True Confessions

pig with lipstick

I have true confessions to make, and I would like it to remain just between you and me.  I have a mistress and I’m in love with her. Yes, I took this mistress a long, long time ago. She consumes my thoughts and plagues my time.  I just can’t get her out of my head.  She has been with me so long I can’t even imagine life without her.  Our meetings have become more than just habitual; we now seem to be one.  She actually seems to be everywhere I go.  Her name is, “Uneasiness.”

Uneasiness is a “made up, pretty” word for being anxious. To be “ill at ease” is so much gentler than to call it the sin of ANXIETY. Like lipstick on a pig!  But however you paint it, at the end of the day, it’s just sin!

My anxiousness can be palpable.  I sometimes feel it in my chest or notice it as shortness of breath, but the worst is when I don’t feel it at all yet someone with me does. To be caught off guard and have it pointed out, yikes! I then have to stop, get still, and focus to see I’m in it.  But when I do realize it, it’s like a vibration in my chest, hence an anxious heart.

Anxiety is fear.  And fear is faith in something other than God.  And without faith in God, it is impossible to please Him.  So anxiety separates me from my consciousness of God and leaves me floundering in a soup of unrest.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6

I was reading the other day The Practice of the Presence of God.  In it Brother Lawrence says that he “gave himself no further uneasiness after releasing himself to God.” Brother Lawrence’s course was leaning on His beloved.  He did everything for the love of God. He knew the wretchedness of man but walked leaning rather than striving.

This is a quote from his book’s introduction, which speaks about how to practice the presence of God: His (Brother Lawrence) one single aim was to bring about a conscious personal union between himself and God, and he took the shortest cut he could find to accomplish it. The result can best be described in his own words: “If I dare use this expression, I should choose to call this state the bosom of God, for the inexpressible sweetness which I taste and experience there.”

Brother Lawrence called this place the bosom of God.  John the disciple as well lay on Jesus’ breast.  And I believe the secret of both these men was in leaning and their proximity to the heart of God.

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    9 Comments

    • pearl

      Yes, it’s always those “other” loves of ours no matter who or what they may be that get us sidetracked and into sin. Most of life seems like getting cleansed from these sins that so easily entangle us…so we can run with Him the race set before us. I guess this is called sanctification or purification, its no easy road tho.

      Dying to these things is perhaps the only way to loose their hold…a dead man or woman …well is just that, dead to these things. I think the process is He first reveals them to us…then as we choose He takes them out little by little, til we are freer and freer from our entanglements…and sins. At least that is how He did with me and is in the process of doing of the painful seperation of what I “loved” more than Him.
      I too wish to be a leaner and right there in His bosom, next to His heart. I am willing to let go of and die to those things He is asking me…its my cross and I choose and resolve to do His will… above that obsession!
      I choose Him.

      Your posts always bring me back to a song from a house of prayer I was a part of…It says it perfectly, “Try as I may to seek another lover, I find there is , there is no other, try as I may to seek another lover, I find there is no other…Your the One, Your the One,Your the Only One….Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!!!!!

    • Sam

      “Anxiety is fear.”

      Yes it is. Fear of not catching up or not reaching the mark… mainly in duties and works… but also with the Lord.

      I also confess awful, nasty, ugly anxiety.

    • Susan

      A good word John. I too can be found guilty at times in what I call low level anxiety which is none other than not fully comprehending and resting in the love of God.

    • Linda

      What can I say?! Another message straight from the heart of Jesus. Thank you for recognizing this and sharing it with us. It speaks to me.

    • pearl

      oh btw, hilarious pic of the pig…lol

    • […] my first post about anxiety, True Confessions, I spoke of Brother Lawrence and John the disciple.  I believe Brother Lawrence called the place […]

    • Lynn

      At a time of great loss in my life, like Job “the thing I have feared the most has come upon me”. So heart wrenching that it physically took my breath away. After crying myself to sleep for many nights, even reading the Word was of NO COMFORT to me at all. At the time I had lived a totally surrendered life for 7 years, which made the lose even harder to understand. One morning I woke to the sound of words in my head and I began to speak them out loud AS IF I HAD MEMORIZED THEM BUT I HAD NOT.
      PHIL 4:6
      You see, God had given me those words as a GIFT (supernaturally)and HE explained to me later that this was the meaning of the following scripture: Matthew 4:1 ” Man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God” (Word in the Greek in this particular passage is Rhema (spoken). That word to me was GOD BREATHED and it was alive with the power from HIM to do what HE sent it to do. Even though I had read it many times before, this time it was ALIVE. I began to speak it out loud and the fruit became evident, ” the peace of God which surpasses all understanding” enveloped me. My circumstances did
      not change but I was able to bear it because of HIS “life giving Word”.
      I believe this is a promise to ALL HIS CHILDREN WHO LIVE A SURRENDERED LIFE. When the “need” is great, HE will provide. This is the “treasure” that we “sell all” to obtain.

    • […] I’ve been praying that the Lord would do some things around my house. Remember, I renounced anxiety as my source.  Well, here’s what happened. I was able to do several days’ […]

    • […] that resistance to God, and God’s particular order of things, makes us monsters.  Remember all my posts on anxiety?  I believe resistance is a huge source of our angst. I can say that my personal […]

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