After the years of seeking, on my terms, I felt like I was being stretched for endurance. Yet God met my desire with a question. Will you marry Me?
Proposing: Will You Marry Me?
I was driving over to St. Simons Island to pick up something for Martha. The trip from Atlanta to St. Simons is grueling. You kind of feel like you’re in a film loop. All you see for hours is the same thing—flat, green nothing! During this drive, the Lord blew my mind. He asked me a question. The words came: “Will you remain single for Me?”
These words carried a wave of emotion. First of all, I wanted a wife and children. I’d even had prophets come a few times, unprompted, picking me out of the congregation to say, “Soon, you will be getting married!” So my first response was to be crushed. I wept for hours. I had to count the cost of this. Marital and familial desires would have to die upon my answer of yes. I’d be seen as an oddity among Christendom, which bows at the altar of marriage. People would assume I wasn’t sexually whole. I would have to face life being often solitary, a dread I faced regularly as an only child. The question, “Then who will I grow old with?” shook some deep level of inner security. And then the obligations – my parents always wanted grandchildren. The list went on and on. And all I knew was that my answer wasn’t allowed to be a “Yes” and then “Just kidding.” He was asking me to give Him something that would mark me for the rest of my life.
Yes to His Question: Will You Marry Me?
Well, towards the end of my drive, I finally gave Him my answer. “Yes, I will remain single for You.” And I have to be honest, there was a motive for self in this. When I realized what I would be giving up for Him, I thought about what I would gain. I figured that if I gave this to Him, maybe it was because He had a deeper plan for my life. And just maybe, the plan was that I would be married to Him. I thought, “Now I will have the intimacy I have desired with You!” So the tears were turned into joy. Why would He ask me to give Him something and not fill the void with Himself?
I believe the above question is the reality, but it too would be satisfied on His terms. In my next post, I’m opening up a part of my testimony that is very private. I mentioned it at the “Love Reigns” conference upon His request, and write about it here for the same reason.