My Heart Is Not My Own

How big is God’s heart?

And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons not [yet old enough to] know their right hand from their left, and also many cattle [not accountable for sin]?
Jonah 4:11 AMPC

Sandy commented on “My Jonah Day” with the following: “Your post speaks of God’s love…it’s so deep, it’s scary…” That’s it exactly! I’ve spoken of and written on the depth of God’s love, but when I come face to face with just how fathomless it is, I am leveled. It is so much deeper and stronger than human love that it bears no resemblance to it whatsoever. On my “Jonah” day, I was tested by God’s love and found wanting.

Never Nurse a Wounded Heart

I’ve just been forcibly reminded of how dangerous it is to nurse my own wounded heart. I wallowed in the offense and found myself at odds with God—a very bad place to be. I don’t have the right to pet my wounds and hate someone. I was bought by the Blood of Jesus Christ and I now belong to Him. When I grab hold of my right to be hurt and angry, for even a minute let alone a whole day, I forfeit my healing and step into the line of fire.

I run hot. I’ve said that before and it’s still true. I am as passionate in my anger as I am in my joy and my love. So I asked the Lord, “What am I supposed to do when the anger flares or the hurt pierces me? How do I deal with it honestly AND righteously?” When the answer came, I laughed until I cried.

“Turn and keep on coming to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning [until every hindrance is removed and the broken fellowship is restored].

“Rend your hearts and not your garments and return to the Lord, your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in loving-kindness; and He revokes His sentence of evil [when His conditions are met].”
Joel 2:12-13 AMPC

I am intimately known by my Creator. He gave me a passionate temperament, and He knew what He was doing when He did. Five years ago, I asked Him to give me a Word that would keep me on His path. And He did. Once again the Holy Spirit gave me my life verses in response to my heart’s cry, and it was as perfect last week as it was five years ago.

My Heart Belongs to God

Being angry and hurt wasn’t my problem; it’s how I responded that landed me in hot water. My heart doesn’t belong to me. I don’t get to keep it to myself and expect that God will bless me in it. My heart belongs to Him – all of it. If I had taken my pain and indignation and fury straight to the Lord, poured it all out with nothing held back, I would not have joined Jonah on the outskirts of Nineveh, at odds with the Almighty. The Lord Himself would have taken care of my heart, healing it and settling it, as only He can.