Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places


I might be an expert on this subject; I certainly have the knots on my head to prove it. I have sought love high and low, always with the greatest hopes. I have gone about it with great expectations and have often been turned away in utter despondence. Yet my grief has never quite quelled my hope-filled pursuits—my looking for love.

Looking for Love for Self

Looking for Love for self
But let me reveal something about my quest. Though I have come openhearted in giving love, my love was not clean.  Actually, what human love is? But where my love was sullied was in the fact that I responded to reaction. I focused on whether my love was reciprocated or rejected.  Now again, what one of us doesn’t react like this?  But here is the kicker: as a man of God, I am not to do so.  God’s love is wide open and not gauged by response.

Well, you might say, how in the world am I to respond like that?  I will tell you very clearly. When I love for love of Him, and not for love of a person, then I will be set free to love in actuality.  Whoa!  So you might ask, “John, are you saying my love for my brother is not about my love for my brother but love for my God?”  Yes, that is exactly what I would have you ask . . . ha ha ha!

Looking for Love with Expectations

Looking for Love with Expectations
You see, if I love my brother, it will involve all my expectations.  What it will not involve is God.  But if my love is focused on God, then His love can pour out of me, and though it involves me, it will not entangle me.  Another person’s response will not influence me because my love is for Him not them.

Now I know this is really mind-bending, but I believe I can love without being enmeshed.  Most unloving, huh?! All the love we see on the screen, or in books, or wherever, is mostly codependent and based on SELF-love. It’s looking for love in all the wrong places. What I am talking about is a higher love.

Now I am not saying I experience this all the time.  I still find myself looking to people for a positive response, but this is also what makes me susceptible to attack.  You wanna see my bulls-eye? If I give another the power to influence something so holy as love in me, then I am giving away the power of love. Love is so much more than just what response someone offers.  Love is patient, Love is kind, Love doesn’t envy, Love doesn’t boast, Love isn’t proud, Love isn’t rude, Love isn’t self-seeking, Love isn’t easily angered, Love keeps no record of wrong, Love doesn’t delight in evil but rejoices in Truth.  Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres—actually Love never fails because Love IS JESUS!

So I choose not to squelch the most powerful Force of the universe, either through my flawed ego or because of another’s receptivity. The Lord Jesus loved fully and totally THE FATHER, and therefore could be a clean vessel of that love towards any of His creation.

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Beautiful and so very true. ❤


I am speechless! Thank you Lord for speaking LOUDLY through John straight to my heart. Now HELP me TOTALLY grasp this concept. I know it IS the answer to many of my struggles.


yes, years ago I heard in my spirit “love without expectations” ….
this of course covers the expectation of being rejected, as well as the expectation of my love being received …
I am still learning how to live this …not easy …


Yes, Andrea it is most often our expectation that trips us up. Trusting in the Fathers Sovereign love as our foundation is essential. When I realized that Jesus was able to endure all His suffering because He trusted completely in His Fathers love and provision it changed my struggle from being something I was doing wrong and being rejected as a result to seeing His purpose.




Just like Johnny Lee, I too was looking in all the wrong places —-until I truly began to understand that Love is God. It begins and ends in Him. Another great post John, you are amazingly transparent. BTW, I got a kick out of the picture you attached to this post. I checked out the link on the billboard and it is for real! So now I have added two more names to my “prayer list” of single friends who are seeking God’s choice for them.


This is how we become His body and One with Him! All my life I have tried to love, give, while at the same time protecting myself, hating myself as my love failed, heaping despair upon despair. God put His truth of the power of His love in me at an early age and I have sought Him for it b/c I have believed that it is all anyone needs and it enough. Oddly enough it is I that I have hated the most b/c my love has been entangled with the lies of the enemy and deep repetitive wounds…as… Read more »


Wow, this teaching from “Loved by God” sums it up for where I have lived “We think if we try to BE it , we are it! We think if we get what we want that is Gods blessing. The world will acclaim you, if you please it. But the world will spit you out and tromp you underfoot, if you don’t please it if you dare to be loved and love. “


This is so beautiful, so true … it’s all in all!

….”Love never fails because Love IS Jesus!”


THANKS!! I also have come to know Love is not about me. I rather die unto this Love. I am conquered unto this Love. I am undone unto this Love. I am invited unto this Love.

Everything will pass away, except this Love.

In fact, everything is dissolving and is being done away with, both in earth and heavens… except this Love.

Love is making New all things.