The Lord is ever working into me an acceptance of my story. I’ve kicked against His forming of me . . . well, all my life. To be honest, I’ve seen the Father’s impressed thumb in my clay mass as harsh and sometimes abusive. I may not have consciously attributed it to Him, but at my core, He’s the one I’ve assigned fault. And rightly so—He is the ONE. He uses what He uses, to make us who He makes us. He is God, after all!
But as I deal with a particular aspect of His forming, I have to confess, I’ve seen it as harsh. It’s been one of the most painful things in my life. And I am willing to express it here on this blog because I think my dying has the fruit of Life for similar strugglers.
God has circumstantially set me apart all of my life. I don’t really want to go into all the ins and outs of this but suffice it to say, I have been capsulated unto Him all my life. Even when I didn’t call Him Lord, He set things up to hide me in sometimes violent ways. And I don’t think this is something peculiar to me. God is jealous and He works things in our lives to make us ever face Him.
But this separating work makes us feel “off” or weird, and I think it’s more common than not. I’ve often thought that if I didn’t have a steady flow of people interacting with ME, that I was somehow strange. But more likely than not, this is the situation I find myself in.
You see, God wants us to want Him and we ever want something else. Let me not generalize, maybe not you, but that has certainly been me. I want to be heard, seen and appreciated—not as great or brilliant, just a person with a life and a voice. And God has made sure I have been, by Him alone. Yes, my life’s greatest want of being acknowledged has been thwarted with Supernatural Neglect. It’s been a painful and fiery cloak of invisibility. This has been His lot for me.
My response has been bitterness and pain. Yes, I fostered a bitterroot judgment against friends and family for what God Himself allowed. Silly I know, but oh-so-human. Imagine blaming the world for what God Himself has withheld. He has shelved me in the Potter’s closet for His good purpose. Does that make me feel special? No, it often feels like rejection, and actually rejection has quite frequently pushed me back onto my shelf. Yep, I’ve called His love a prison, and it is. I’m the Lord’s prisoner, bars or no bars. Actually, we all are captured into the Lord’s idea of us, and if we resist, it is a prison – a solitary confinement in the walls of His thinking.
Ooh, the Sovereign Lord of our life, and I His captured one. I have the choice of responses: bitterness or welcome. The walls remain unchanged, only my receptivity adjusts the climate: dark and dingy, or free and living. I do have the power to make it what I will. Today, I am choosing to see His will as loving and accepting. I can’t say how I will respond tomorrow, but I open myself up to His Today!
Our God is in heaven; He does whatever pleases Him.
All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as He pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back His hand or say to Him: “What have you done?”
But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?'”