I’m excited to see the healing that comes with letting go of my prideful delusion that I could ever be anything other than who I am or do anything other than what I do. I mean, if the God of the Universe, my Creator, has full knowledge of who I am in the darkest recesses of my heart and loves me still, then who am I to NOT love me?
I need permission, and He gives me permission in His command.
I find myself hopeful now, and I wonder what it will be like to NOT condemn myself? To instead say, “Good Morning!” when I look in the mirror and brush my teeth, and say, “Thank You, God” for my skin, my face, my eyes, my nose, my hair and my mouth. I think it’s going to be liberating to choose to love myself.
Part of loving myself is receiving His grace when (not if!) I mess up. When I love myself, I let God be my Father and I stop parenting myself through condemnation and judgment. I let my Father discipline me when I need it and I let Him comfort me when I need that. If I need or want a hug, it is safe to ask for it because I am loved.
For my nephews (all under 5 years old), it’s not shameful or weak to need a hug, to just wrap their arms around you and hold on until they’re done. And of course, you let them hug you and you hug them back!
Who pulls a child’s arms off their neck and says,
“I’m done, now go away”?
No, you hold on because it’s precious. You hold that child and you think, “Oh, God, thank you!” because He’s right there in those moments.
And while Martha was praying the other morning, I could see myself holding onto God much like a toddler would, and He was not bothered by me. He didn’t resent me or find me a nuisance. He knew me and loved me. I can hold on to Him as long as I need to. And I’d like to think that if I, with my paltry heart, experience such delight in holding a small child, then maybe my Father, with His great heart, does, too. Maybe I’m as precious to Him as my nephews are to me. Ha! Imagine that!
[…] Jenn’s stories of her nephews bless me because they give me a glimpse of a Father who loves my helplessness and weakness, and doesn’t begrudge it of me. Somehow that helps me accept His will when things aren’t easy, and see just a speck of His vast, loving purposes well beyond my “light and momentary affliction”: […]