When you are afflicted with the sin of “fixing,” as I demonstrated that I am in my last post, then you likely have a life out of balance. That’s the biggest thing I’ve seen in the aftermath of my latest deliverance: my life is out of balance.
When you believe that it is on you to fix and to solve and to help and to perform, then you begin to perceive everything in terms of weight. A simple conversation could result in a couple extra tons to be carried about, so new people and situations are more stressful than exciting. It’s awful. No human life bears up well under the weight of the world; we get out of balance.
Out of Balance, Out of My Mind
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:7 AMPC
In the Lord, a “well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control” are ours, but first we must let go of the crazy. And it is crazy to think that I am in any way responsible for the choices and resulting life of another person! It is insane to believe that God asks this of me, that it is somehow pleasing to Him that I shoulder Him aside and pick up the weight that He alone can carry. I cannot behave like a crazy person and call it the product of a well-balanced mind. Well actually, I can do that, but I don’t think anyone’s buying what I’m selling. They see the truth: a life out of balance.
When I carry the weight of the world, my life and responsibilities suffer. “They made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept” (Song of Songs 1:6). Every day brings some new exhaustion until even the most basic means of loving yourself and your life seem like too much trouble. Then you wake up one day and look at your life and wonder how things got so terribly out of balance. That’s the cost of crazy.
Finding Balance in Jesus
My life is out of balance and I don’t know how to fix that. How fortunate that I don’t have to! If one crazy, wicked choice at a time brought me here, then one “well-balanced” obedience at a time will keep me with the Lord. I find myself wondering what my life will be like without a universe-sized monkey on my back. How much clearer will I see Jesus? How much better will I hear Him? And when I’m not run ragged by my own irresponsibility, will I have the joy of loving God with an undivided heart? Will I actually be able to love myself as He calls me to? What will life be like when I get out of my own way? I really can’t wait to find out.
You reveal the path of life to me; in Your presence is abundant joy; in Your right hand are eternal pleasures.
Psalm 16:11 HCSB