Our God desires us to live in the moment. This is His heart. True living is about relationship with Him. And the way He accomplishes this is to reduce us down, down to dependence on Him, a moment-by-moment involvement. This is true hunger, desperation.
Hunger for God from Not Knowing
The Lord will not allow us to read the book of our lives, not a chapter, not even a page nor a sentence. Often He won’t even give us a word at a time but merely a letter. You have no idea what the meaning is until you totally focus on Him, so absorbed with Him that He can merely breathe the idea into you. Human nature, on the other hand, wants the book first.
“Give me the title and tell me what the book is about. Give me a preface and the introduction, the back title! Give me reviews, let me know there’s no risk of unknowns, then I’ll get into it! I will wait for the ending but let me know exactly where I am going. At any given point you can give me a twist in the book. But just make sure I have a picture of where the book is going.”
But God doesn’t often give you the subject of the book. He wants you to be so dependent on him that each letter, forming each word, comprising the sentences of our lives, has to come from His nearness. Why did John the beloved know Jesus as God so intimately? Because John had his ear on His breast.
Why Do I Have to Live With Hunger?
Now why does God want this? The reason is because He is so hungry for our fellowship, so completely desirous of our love and relationship. His hunger is to give. We think that when we are hungry, the hunger is from us, but the hunger you have is not your own. “It is My hunger coming through you.”
We have no hunger, no desire for anything of God. In us is nothing, so if we have any desire to read the word, worship – any desire at all – it is because He is pouring it through us. His desire for intimacy is birthed THROUGH me and it feels like it’s me. But I have to know that I am by nature a brute beast. I will not – by any means – ever seek anything spiritual or anything in the Spirit. Naturally I will grunt and forage through dirt because that is the nature of man. A perspective change needs to take place. If I have desire for God, it is God’s desire coming through me. If I have hunger for prayer, for spiritual things, it is the Life of God coming through me. It’s the indwelling of His desire moving my spirit toward Himself.
You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.