Where the enemy comes at us most is in his accusation of us personally, so that we will be separated from God. The adversary comes ferociously to make me hate myself, rehearse my regrets, and go over my failures and character flaws. And there are days when I say to him:
“Go away. I’m not going there. I am forgiven!”
Just because of proximity and sheer quantity of time, I am the one I have to forgive more than anyone. Forgiving other people pales in comparison to my need of forgiving self. Another person comes in and goes out and offends me for one minute or one week or one year or whatever. But I’m here all the time, right next to myself and completely offensive to myself all the time. Everything that anyone else has ever done to me fails to compare to what I’ve done to myself… consistently, daily.
I am more abusive to “me” than any parent could ever be because I’m there EVERY MOMENT – listening to Satan’s accusations and agreeing with him.
I’m seeing it as a stronghold. It’s demonic and it’s torment. And if we don’t forgive, we are turned over to the tormentors (Matt. 18:23-35). If we don’t forgive ourselves and accept ourselves, then we are turned over to the tormentors. (Related podcast link Accepted in the Beloved.) I saw myself this morning inside a cave and I realized that the cave was my heart. I was just sitting there on the ground and Jesus stood next to me. I could see His robe and His hair, and I just kind of said, “I’m really sorry. I clutter this cave with crap and I’m just… really sorry.” He sat down next to me and put His arm on my back and was there with me in the moment. He understood and wasn’t condemning me. He didn’t disallow my feelings, nor was He validating the problem. He just sat down as the Solution. Martha prayed, “I want to receive everything that He’s paid for with His Blood,” and part of that “everything” is me! He not only paid for a lot of things about me – His Blood paid for me! (Additional Teaching Conquered by the Blood)