Disciple or Believer?

“There is a difference between a believer and a disciple.”
Martha Kilpatrick, The Mystery of Discipleship

If you aren’t subscribed to Martha’s daily devotionals on ReadMK.com, then stop what you’re doing and go there now. The last two months have been a radical unveiling of discipleship—the cost, the rewards, and everything in between. I have been poked and pushed and pierced and peeved by this series, but mostly I find myself asking one question over and over: Am I a disciple or believer?

What’s the difference: disciple or believer

I know that I want to be one. I want to see God, to recognize the glow of His countenance when I see it on someone else’s face. I want to know His voice so well that Doubt doesn’t even bother knocking on my door any more. I want to love Him so much that every day, the Cross I pick up is a little less agony and a little more rejoicing to suffer with Jesus Christ (1 Pet. 4:13). I want to see His victory and healing in the lives of people I love. There’s not much that I don’t want, but desire means nothing if I won’t walk it out. And there’s the rub.

If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.
Luke 14:26 ESV

Disciple or Believer – All for Jesus

This verse perfectly illustrates for me the impossibility of what a disciple is called to do. Now, I have personal, actual experience with this verse (I talked about it in my many posts last year on dealing with parents), yet it still makes me wince! The Holy Spirit walked this verse out for me in one area of my life, but I couldn’t tell you the first thing about what it means for you, even in that same area. If I tried to logic my way through that verse, then I’d be perfectly in line with 98% of the commentaries—and I’d have no need of my Counselor or the indwelling life of Christ. But the truth is that I simply cannot do what Jesus requires of His disciples. Only He can. It is mine to say yes, and to really mean it, and to die. Then He does it; He lives it.

“Salvation is by grace, utterly free. Discipleship is an offer that requires a decision.”
Martha Kilpatrick, The Mystery of Discipleship

I often need to be reminded that God wants me in relationship with Him as an actively engaged participant. I am God’s by choice – He chose me, and I chose Him back. I can’t do any of the things He asks me to do, not under my own power. But I can choose to say yes to what He asks of me. Sometimes the “yes” is easy, a happy nod that costs me little. And sometimes the “yes” in my heart just isn’t going to make it down to my feet to be walked out. I know that I don’t love God enough to truly obey Him even though I want to, and I tell Him so. I ask Him for more love, but I can’t imagine that He’ll give it to me because this isn’t my first Gethsemane and He must be done with me by now. And I cry because I know it’s over and I know it’s my fault for not being willing to lose my precious life. And then there’s a miracle.

I don’t know how He does it, but He fills me with all the love and grace I need to put a pair of boots on my choice. I am His and He is mine. I was born again by God’s initiation and now that I’m His, He provides for me completely. He won’t violate my choice, but once I’ve made it, He moves heaven, earth, and even my own heart to empower it.

Am I a Disciple or Believer ?

And now we circle back to my question about disciples, namely: am I one? Well, I don’t think that my shadow has ever healed anyone (Peter), I haven’t blown the doors off the Atlanta Penitentiary yet (Paul), and I’ve never confronted religious hypocrites with a truth so righteous that they tried to kill me (Stephen). Still, it’s early days and who knows what tomorrow brings. So am I a disciple? Yes, and I can’t wait to find out exactly what that means!