Life’s Corridor a Testimony

subway station

If life was a corridor and I was looking back down my hall, one of my through-lines would be my question, “Where are You, God?” Even as a very young child, I looked for God. I just had an innate pursuit of Him.  I wanted to touch Him and to be touched by Him.   I don’t say this with any sense of pride, as if I was some sort of prodigy, because I now realize it had little to do with me.  And really, everywhere I could possibly do it wrong, I did.  My hunger for Him was simply His grace and calling, which He brought forth through me. I’d find out, as time passed, just what the purpose of this hunger was.

From An Early Age: Life’s Corridor

From An Early Age: Life's Corridor testimony
When I was just under 4, I had an encounter with God that has marked my whole life.  There was a bus that pulled up directly in front of our house every Sunday morning.  I don’t know how I did this, but one day I hopped up on it with the rest of the kids without my mother’s knowledge.  As she stood there horrified glancing out the window, I looked back at my house and waved goodbye, and off we went.

I have no memory of the trip to the church or how I got into my seat, but I do remember listening intently to the pastor. During his message, I learned two things. First, that we all were going to die—life would end. And second, that if you love your life, you will lose it, and if you hate your life, you will have it eternally.  I remember saying to God in response, “But I love my life!” The words of this pastor have never left me, though I have resisted them all of my life.

Testimony of Life

looking down Life's Corridor testimony
Through age 7, I’d write little notes to God, run outside, toss them into the air, and then quickly run back into the house.  I was hungry to connect with Him.  I wasn’t raised in a religious home; I was just looking for God. And well into my late teens, I would go to church buildings and enter empty sanctuaries, crying out, “God, where are You?!” I was desperate, life had battered me as it does everyone, and I needed Him to come. I could never figure out why He didn’t meet my passionate pursuit by satisfying ME and my desire!  And as I ruminated over that thought, what was once a child’s plea became a louder adult demand.  I wanted Him to move, to be real and show His love to me!

I actually became bitter with Him in my preteen years, a condition I suffered from for quite a while. Because He didn’t come how I desired, I translated that as rejection and withholding. Ooo, Satan’s lie that God was withholding from me something I NEEDED attached itself to His apparent “deferred” answer (Prov. 13:12).

So I ask my question again, readers: “Is this you, too?” Have you ever come face to face with your disappointment in God? Has He failed to meet your demands or desires? Then let’s walk a little further down this corridor, and I’ll tell you what came next.

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    • Sam

      I said I would keep quiet, but I could not.


      YES, God has failed miserably to meet MY demands, and God fails miserably on a daily basis to meet MY demands. It seems He has dedicated Himself to the task of making me lose, miserably lose. 🙂 And from time to time I realize I don’t like it.

      “LOSE” is a such huge word in the Kingdom. The Kingdom is filled with losers.

      BUT, His Spirit is working to allow me to know myself, in the sense of this huge ego filled with self-rights and self-conciousness, and I am daily beginning to glimpse the huge need I have for me to lose and the New Man to win.

      Our souls thirst for Him. Marth’s devotional “All things New” is just a milestone sharing the contrast of both old and New.

      • Tina

        Wow Sam…”I am daily beginning to glimpse the huge need I have for me to lose and the New Man to win”…this is at the core of the issue.

      • Tammy

        Oh Sam! I am so glad you reclaimed your decision to NOT comment for the duration of this particular blog. I am blessed and encouraged by your posts!
        Giving God Praise for you!

        • Sam

          Bless you Tammy, I am also so encouraged by you all.

    • Sandy


    • Tammy

      “Is this [me], too?”
      …listening for God’s response…

      I love the visual God gives as you share these parts of your journey. Oh to be that innocent child that knows He’s there and is willing to do “whatever” it takes to hear from Him without consideration of how ridiculous it might look or sound to anyone, anywhere, anytime…a mind and heart set on HIM alone.

      …excited to learn “what came next.”!


    • Lori

      Just had a picture of little children holding hands and walking down that corridor together : )

    • Paul

      John, thanks for your willingness to share your journey with us. We’re all cut from the same cloth and sometimes we feel that our experiences are so unique…we fear that we’re the only ones who’ve been bitterly disappointed in how God has seemingly failed to work in our lives. Thank you for helping us to see that we’re not alone. But the greater encouragement is to see that WHO you are TODAY in Christ is the result of all that He has providentially allowed you to go through.

      The experiences of your childhood in the way GOD placed this longing in your heart for Him demonstrates His grace and His choosing of you!

      Thanks for inviting us into your life, John. Your journey is going to be the means of so much blessing and encouragement to many! So looking forward to future installments.

    • […] this you?  Have you experienced this as well? Well, in these next few posts, I want to share what I’ve found. I want to tell some of my story, and open up some of […]

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