Yesterday, I kept bursting into tears, all day long. I just couldn’t handle anything – good or bad. John’s post really illuminated part of my struggle right now: accepting the empty side of need.
My whole life is marked by my refusal to accept the REALITY of emptiness. And in that, I have rebelled against the existence of NEED itself. I hate to need, so I do everything I can to avoid it. I have a whole new understanding of Gomer.
And she shall follow after her lovers but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them [inquiring for and requiring them], but shall not find them . . . For she has not noticed, understood, or realized that it was I [the Lord God] Who gave her the grain and the new wine and the fresh oil, and Who lavished upon her silver and gold which they used for Baal and made into his image.
Hosea 2:7a, 8 Amplified
I’m not just Gomer because I pursue many loves other than God; I am Gomer because, like her, I pursue them to avoid emptiness of any kind. Having multiple lovers would seem to take up quite a bit of time and feed the ego, check. Grain staves off hunger, and wine takes the guilty edge off, check. Wool and flax for clothes to ward off nudity, check. Gold and silver for the little god to buy a clean conscience, check.
In addition, God said, “I will also cause to cease all her mirth, her feastmaking, her New Moons, her Sabbaths, and all her solemn feasts and appointed festive assemblies (Hosea 2:11). He cut off every avenue of amusement or celebration. Gomer went from gorging herself on every possible indulgence to filthy-naked-hungry-thirsty-lonely-impoverished-guilty beggar overnight. God stripped her down to nothing. Then, and only then did He “lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there” (Hos. 2:14 NLT). She had to be in the absolute reality of her emptiness before God could minister to her heart.
Like Gomer, I have done all I could to avoid being empty. To avoid the work of waiting for God to come and BE in me. I am lazy. It is a work of faith to believe that Christ’s Life will rise when need gnaws at my heart. It is a work of faith to believe that God will take care of me when I can’t see the way. And it is a work of surrender to embrace His timing and ways as the ONLY GOOD when I don’t understand the “why” of it all.
Let be and be still and know
(recognize and understand)
that I am GOD.
Psalm 46:10a Amplified
My work is to BELIEVE in the Son of God, Jesus Christ – in all that entails. God called it “work” for a reason. I believe, then I choose, then I wait.
Then Jesus said to him, “‘If You can’?
Everything is possible to the one who believes.”
Immediately the father of the boy cried out,
“I do believe! Help my unbelief.”
Mark 9:23-24 HCSB