“Christ is accomplishing something inside of you that you can’t measure or see.”
Martha Kilpatrick, The Perfect Solution (November 2013 CD of the Month)
One of my persistent stumbling blocks is only seeing what I see—about myself, about other people, and about God. I have discovered that this issue of seeing is also part of the discipline of the mind and taking captive my thoughts. I am as responsible for uprooting stubborn thoughts as I am for chasing errant ones down a rabbit trail.
Few thoughts put down deeper roots than those based on the so-claimed infallibility of what I “see.” I’ve been greatly convicted of this lately, and something Martha said on November’s CD really shook me. She said that everything real is unseen. And it shook me because I didn’t believe it.
This is the perfect example of a surrendered “yes” to God without complete understanding on my part—and not just understanding, but agreement. I didn’t WANT to believe it. I can see! I have eyes and I can see what’s real and what isn’t. Why did God give me eyes if they can’t be trusted?! What’s that about? Gah! That last question exposed my angry heart: I don’t want to surrender my sight for His. I would rather keep my puny, untrustworthy vision with the illusion of control than trust my Father to illuminate my life, as only He can and exactly when I need it.
I feel like living the life of a born-again believer is like falling down a flight of stairs in slow motion. Sometimes I’m floating in mid-air and looking up at the Light. Sometimes I’m smacking face-first into the step. And in between the highs and lows, I’m just moon over teakettle, and thinking, “What’s with the mini Stonehenge?” when I’m really looking at my own toes.
My Old Woman really likes roots. They feel like strength and safety and control. It is not easy to uproot the entrenched “I see” thoughts, but it is simple. I bled out the surrendered “yes” and waited. And this is what came:
“Things which no eye has seen and ear has not heard,
And which have not entered the heart of man,
All that God has prepared for those who love Him.”
For to us God revealed them through the Spirit;
for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God.
1 Cor. 2:9-10 NASB
Here I was, clinging to my blind illusion of control, and fighting the Gift that searches out the very depths of God. Such is my perpetual shortsightedness, and such is my Father’s omniscience.