I Need No Man Being Beholden


I have learned, through much pain and difficulty that I need NO man. Now, I can’t say I haven’t looked for people to meet my needs, that would be a lie. But through my needing of man I have found that doing so causes me to leave my position of responsibility and abandon my God. When I surrender my need to another, looking to them to be my supply, I also give them my life and power in the bundle. To subject myself to any other in order to get my needs met, no matter how noble or godly my task, is ALWAYS a path of death. If I need you, you own me. I am relegated to your grace and willingness to be my supply rather than my true Supplier—GOD. Do you see how this can be a recipe for disaster?

Somehow when I need any other human, I open the door to their ravaging. I can’t tell you how many times in my life that I have witnessed this, or been involved in it. Dependence on anyone or anything other than God is just destructive. Now, does this mean He won’t use others in the meeting of my needs? Certainly not! I am not an island unto myself with God. But here is the catch. I am always looking to Him, even if He uses another to meet my need. When I feel dependent on you for any of my supply, I can know I am on the wrong ground. If I feel I can’t do it without you, I have left myself and God.

Really, I Need No Man

Really, I Need No Man
Let me give you an example of this. I wish this was a one time shot, but alas no. I have done this multiple times. When we started hiring web development firms to help us implement our sites and app, I often would become enmeshed with a sense of dependency on the very people I had hired to assist in the job. I believed I NEEDED them and felt tied to them to get the job done. But what I learned slowly is, they all were dispensable. God brought His choice to produce His results, but I needed only His Will not them. I needed no man.

This is crazy because firm after firm would convince me of their “secret sauce” to get our job done. And my belief in this made me a slave to their supply. And one after another would eventually abused this position I surrendered, and then used it against me. I ended up waiting longer than I should to get the job done, if it was done at all, paid more than I should to get the task accomplished or even agreed to pay, and I endured their abuse that I didn’t need to. I’m no victim, because my sin led to these results. I felt I needed them, and then they owned me. I was their sucker, and they took the place of God’s voice and Will in my choices. It was just sin! They abusively used the position I gave but I was the one who left God’s Voice and Will!

Long Story Short

What ended up happening is the Lord’s jealousy would come in and hit these evil unions, and then I would break the connection to follow Him and His Voice. The core problem here was my heart. I believed I needed them and that they were the ONLY ones who could get the job done. Unfortunately, getting the job done overrode my loyalty to God’s Will. I acquiesced, which means I accepted something reluctantly but without protest and the result was betrayal of my heart and my loyalty to God. Do you see how this position rightly put me into a bondage scenario? WE NEED NO MAN! What we do need is God and His Will as our Supplier.

Rollercoaster of Need

Rollercoaster of Need
OK, here is the next loop on this rollercoaster ride. To simply survive by living to satisfy our needs, makes us whores to find a supplier. We become Gomers scratching only piddling scraps from life. By doing this we don’t live in the Abundant Supply afforded us by being a child of the King, we live as paupers.

So what is the answer? Life is not sustained through our needs fulfillment but only in the Will of God. We need only to be in His Will and then ALL our supply is provided. The Will of God is the great equalizer of life. It makes me utterly dependent on Him, seeking His face and Will about every situation. And in His Will I have great safety. But if I ever leave His Will to focus on my needs, I am sunk. I can be led like a bull with a ring in my nose to wherever another wishes to take me. It is really about allegiance and loyalty to God. If I am willing to trade my allegiance from my true SOURCE, I will reap a whirlwind of pain.

I Need What God Supplies

I Need What God Supplies
I need only what God supplies, and nothing else. This isn’t an easy position because the assault against our being in the Will of God is relentless. And when someone is offering to help us with our need, we can never abandon our volition. This doesn’t make us untrusting, it makes us clear and trustworthy. Our highest value is God’s Will above accomplishment, personal gain, or relationship. Again His Will is the safest place we can be, and we truly need no man.

P.S. Here is a little bonus clue: If I feel beholden* to any man, it just might be the Lord’s warning flag to me to check my heart. It just might be time to allow Him to release me from the noose around my neck. I choose, and He frees me from captivity.

be·hold·en: being under obligation for a favor or gift : INDEBTED, Owing thanks or having a duty to someone in return for help or a service, obliged; under a moral obligation.

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3 years ago

You know that I have just recently gone down this road in a 30 year friendship that came to an abrupt halt. At the core I discovered…because of an orphan heart/ lack of a mom…30 years ago “Alice” became a spiritual mentor and mother figure to me…an influencer. So when she became keenly upset with me not long ago I was devastated. This feeling of distance and bruising abandonment had me remember that I had once said 30 years ago…If “Alice” says I am ok and loves me…or likes me…I must be ok..really ok! Because Alice was in many ways… Read more »

3 years ago

oh John thank you for this!
I have not only had to repent of this looking to others to meet my need but even more often I have been on the other side of meeting needs to gain power over people and making them feel beholden to me.

what horrible sin – “If you will just love me and do my will, I’ll meet your needs!” Father, thank you for exposing my sin on both sides of this, forgive me and cleanse me.

3 years ago

This message went deep to free me. I’ve hurried past Love, in fear. Love isn’t in a hurry. I trample along thinking I know where You’re going. I dare not miss the place You’ve stopped, intent on some small thing that is biggest, because You are ‘there’. I call a speck, a log…from my own eye; You call a leper, clean! You stop at hearts & Love to Life. As fragrant oil pours, in Love, have I ‘said’, “why this waste”? God, forgive me. Oh Will of God, wrapped in Love, I run into your arms! Oh Love of God,… Read more »

3 years ago

A truly powerful message John. The Place all of my needs are met is in His Will. The Place where I may abide in peace is in His Will. The Place where companionship is fulfilled is in His Will. I could go on and on but your message has said it all.
Isn’t it just like Him to give us this word as we find ourselves practically removed from every other human who we may have been depending on to meet our needs.
He is, always has been, and always will be, ALL that we truly need.

3 years ago

Yes! During the last few months the Lord revealed to me, that one of the reasons I am a people pleaser is because as a child, I felt unsafe. Subconsciously I came to the conclusion that in order to be safe, I must get people to like me. I was using people for my protection instead of going to God for that. I have repented and asked the Lord to be the only One that is my sure protection and safety and I hope that has knocked a huge chunk off a life long bondage.

3 years ago
Reply to  Celia

It is a dichotomy. I need no man but He binds us together in His Body. I believe it has to do with our focus and the direction of our heart. When we think we can not do it without someone, we not only give up our gaze on the only Source, but we also lay expectations on others. The whole thing becomes a tangled mess! In your case I have to say, we like you ? Thank you for being a part of our family! I am so pleased the Lord is doing this work in you. It will… Read more »