Hard to Say Goodbye


Hard to Say GoodbyeI just quit smoking. It’s hard to say goodbye.

It’s day 5 without nicotine, and I don’t really know what to write or how to be or why anything matters.  Maybe I’ll have something to say about all this in a few days.  Right now, I’m just a raw, exposed nerve.  But I do want to share something that Martha said to me.

Martha wanted me to visualize something when the cravings hit.  She told me to picture myself throwing the cigarettes at Jesus’ feet and asking Him to take it from me.  She said that this is my gift to Him; I am giving Him what is precious to me.

I’ve never thought of cigarettes as being precious to me, but they are.  Martha’s right.  This is the absolute best I have to offer God.  Right now, smoking means more to me than anything else.  Sad but true.  Cigarettes have been my crutch, my balm, my pick-me-up, my stress-reliever, my comfort, my escape, my joy, and also my torment – for 15 years.  My alabaster jar is a pack of Marlboros.

I’d like more than anything to give Him expensive perfume or something beautiful.  But that’s not my life.  I’m giving Him the thing I love most, and even though it’s not pretty, He knows what it means and what it’s worth.  After all, He asked me for it.

So that’s where I am, and I do hope that this isn’t a stumbling block for anyone.  Until next week . . .

Joel 2:12 Amplified
Therefore also now, says the Lord, turn
and keep on coming to Me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning
[until every hindrance is removed
and the broken fellowship is restored].


Posted by Barb
August 4, 2013 at 9:47 pm

This leaves me speechless, tears flowing, and a heart surrendered.

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  • Posted by Jennifer
    April 26, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    Thank you so much – all of you – for such love and encouragement! All of these comments made me cry, because they show the compassion of fellow cross-taker-uppers. It’s a gift to know we’re not alone in the daily reality of what it means to love God and be LOVED by Him. Bless you all!

      Posted by Linda
      April 26, 2013 at 7:25 pm

      YOU make me cry in all your humility. CONFESSING to being a smoker takes great courage in our humanity. To do it with all of us Jen….OMG! I walk with you girl and trust me I understand the journey. 10 years totally free of that addiciton…..now I watch the things He kills in me and quietly observe how hidden so many of those things have been. Your sharing gives me courage Jen….and truly it feels like a unique touch from Him. Oh how He loves you dear one. And so do I.

    Posted by Wanda
    April 26, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    Oh, Jennifer, I remember so well how hard it was to stop smoking-it’s only been 7 years. You are in my prayers, dear girl, and I know the Lord has already accepted this love gift from you. What a wonderful way to look at it-to throw our idols at His precious feet, and ask Him to take care of them. He says He will cleanse us from ALL our idols, and I know we all have some. Love you

    Posted by Roddy Young
    April 26, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    Thanks for sharing your heart John .

      Posted by John Enslow
      April 26, 2013 at 2:44 pm

      This one is by Jennifer, Roddy. (-;

    Posted by Susan Little
    April 26, 2013 at 11:17 am

    Yes, it’s His might, strength and power in you. Way to go Jennifer and thanks for being an encouragement to us all!

    Posted by Tina
    April 26, 2013 at 10:29 am

    So cool! I remember those difficult days. I have my own idol’s of comfort and pleasure that He is bringing to my awareness. The picture of giving these to Jesus as a gift of love shines light on my path. May we all have His grace to bear these crosses daily. I listen to the Spirit of God’s plea through Martha titled the “gift of love” on the Unsearchable riches series at various times. Yesterday I was able to see that as I bear my cross by laying down my idols, choosing to love and live in ways that Christ gave love, that is how I open my heart to His grace and to receive His love. My idols and self-protection are adulterous acts to meet my own needs and have my own comfort. Thank you for sharing from a place of rawness.

    Posted by Sam
    April 26, 2013 at 10:18 am

    You are a precious girl. Now you stand in Him (the only one Standing all around) as you give Him this balm of yours. You are telling the One that Stands that you (one who cannot stand) want a better balm.

    May He accept it and take it, and give you a better balm.
    In Jesus’ name.


    Posted by Jack
    April 26, 2013 at 9:57 am

    The next door Lab used to “Woof” good night to me thru my opened bedroom window and his Mistress would have her final cigarette outside. I really enjoyed them both. Quit smoking in 1959.

    Posted by John Enslow
    April 26, 2013 at 8:52 am

    Oh, if this was a simple statement about cigarettes, we could pass by with only a sigh. But no, this is about anything rooted into the core of our hearts which separates us from full fellowship with God. I hear it as a signpost, a hailing to look within. Thank you Jennifer!

    Posted by Vicki
    April 26, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Your courage in sharing this is so humbling and encouraging. Thank you for your love.

    Posted by Sandy
    April 26, 2013 at 8:25 am

    Beautiful. Inspirational.

    Posted by Hannah
    April 26, 2013 at 8:08 am

    That’s awesome! He’s so worth it. So proud of you and confident in God’s work in you 🙂


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