It’s day 5 without nicotine, and I don’t really know what to write or how to be or why anything matters. Maybe I’ll have something to say about all this in a few days. Right now, I’m just a raw, exposed nerve. But I do want to share something that Martha said to me.
Martha wanted me to visualize something when the cravings hit. She told me to picture myself throwing the cigarettes at Jesus’ feet and asking Him to take it from me. She said that this is my gift to Him; I am giving Him what is precious to me.
I’ve never thought of cigarettes as being precious to me, but they are. Martha’s right. This is the absolute best I have to offer God. Right now, smoking means more to me than anything else. Sad but true. Cigarettes have been my crutch, my balm, my pick-me-up, my stress-reliever, my comfort, my escape, my joy, and also my torment – for 15 years. My alabaster jar is a pack of Marlboros.
I’d like more than anything to give Him expensive perfume or something beautiful. But that’s not my life. I’m giving Him the thing I love most, and even though it’s not pretty, He knows what it means and what it’s worth. After all, He asked me for it.
So that’s where I am, and I do hope that this isn’t a stumbling block for anyone. Until next week . . .
Joel 2:12 Amplified
Therefore also now, says the Lord, turn
and keep on coming to Me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning
[until every hindrance is removed
and the broken fellowship is restored].