The more I write on this subject, the deeper is my seeing. I feel like a deer in the headlights. What I thought was going to be a single post on accepting our lives has turned out to be a series about God’s sovereignty. I know these items are one in the same, but I didn’t realize how deep this rabbit hole would go. I have jumped into a sovereignty dilemma that seems to have no exit.
If God is truly sovereign, then He is completely sovereign over all my life.
Please know as I write about all this, I’m not taking the position of a teacher. I’m the student in this lesson and my life is the text. Recently, I again came face to face with the reality of His sovereignty. I did this as I struggled with Him about my life’s calling, as well as acknowledging my complete inability.
You know, my life’s calling has always been to my weakness. The place where I am weakest – there He calls me to be. It’s like asking a paralytic to run a marathon. Why? God wants to shine in the very area of my total deficit. And not only does He want to be the Life in that place, He has tied my destiny to His performing of it. To win my race, I must lean on Him to do it, for I have no ability to achieve it on my own. I’m not trying to be cryptic by not giving particulars; I’m just unable to share exact circumstances. So I hope that I’m communicating all of this sufficiently.
It’s my wholehearted belief that our areas of greatest weakness – which consequently are often the places we’ve been most wounded – are where He desires to bring forth His amazing resurrected life.
Why on earth would He not build upon my strengths? Well, quite frankly, it’s in these areas that I have pride and the greatest self-sufficiency. I’ve erroneously believed that I don’t need Him there. That’s precisely the reason! I would boast in my ability rather than celebrating His actual Life. It would be all about my doings and not His Life.
He lives His life out of my complete deficit. Where I have no ability and more, where my performance is a liability, that’s where He is strongest. This is where He loves to live His life. This is where He shines the greatest, rising out of my utter failure. Failure is the stage set for His life to burst forth.
Who is weak without my feeling that weakness? Who is led astray, and I do not burn with anger? If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am.
2 Corinthians 11:29-30
My dependence is His desire and He underlines its importance by tying my eternal destiny to it. To call me to be what I have no ability to be! You could look at this the wrong way and think that it’s cruel. Not only is it not cruel, it’s His tremendous faithfulness. Our Lord knows the danger of our independence. He binds us to the need of Him on a molecular level. He knows that we cannot truly survive within the walls of self. We can’t sustain a self-life and expect an eternal one with Him. He is faithful to set us up for the greatest eternal reward—Himself.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV