I think that I’ve told this story before, but bear with me please. When I was first born again, I told Martha that she had my complete and unreserved permission and blessing to use my story in any way that she wished. I was experiencing true joy and peace and love for the first time in my life, and I couldn’t bear the thought of withholding anything from God. I knew that all I really had to give was my story, because ultimately, it was a story about Him.
And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb,
and by the word of their testimony;
and they loved not their lives unto the death.
Rev. 12:11 KJV
I was redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, and now I had a testimony. Offering my story to Martha was the first time that I was willing to die. Maybe not a full shrugging off the mortal coil, but death to some approval of man, and certainly death to my cherished place off the grid and out of the spotlight. What would people think and say when they knew the truth about me? Would the humiliation of being so exposed be something I could live with? I don’t remember thinking much beyond those two questions though, because I was just madly in love. What did any of that matter if my story was useful to Him?
Though I have occasionally panicked at how completely He’s received my “YES” in this regard, I have no regrets. Writing for this blog has been an adventure so far, and I have been surprised by what He gives me to say—and to tell. I’ve learned that some things I want to write about are impossible to tell. And some things that I can’t bear to think about, let alone write, flow out of me with ease. With every post, I grow better acquainted with my Counselor, and with how completely He protects and guides me. It’s a true joy to meet Him so steadily where I least expected it!
That said, I will be taking a short break from writing here for the next month or so. The “Love Reigns” conference is two months away, and I was beginning to sink beneath my to-do pile. Fortunately, I have people watching for my soul, and John stepped in to throw me a life-line. The word of my testimony is LOVE. My story is about the bliss of being loved, the truth of who I am, and the exquisite joy and shocking awe of discovering who God is. A testimony is a living word, filled and guided by the Spirit. Should it become rote or a number on a list, it’s no longer a testimony but a heartless advertisement. God save me from that!
To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
a time to keep silence,
and a time to speak…
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7b KJV
A brief silence…I will keep silence for a bit, and enjoy the “living demonstrations” of John, and our other writers. It’s a gift to know them and a privilege to see them pursue an ever-deepening relationship with a God worth knowing. Hope to see you in March!