Jerkfest 2013

the jerk center building

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4 KJV

I always thought this verse was about surviving terrifying and enormously trying circumstances – and I’m not saying it isn’t – but it has new meaning for me now.  I am still experiencing the death throes of addiction, so my days are more shadow than light at the moment.  And my steady comfort is His discipline.

See, I’m kind of a jerk these days. It’s been a jerkfest around here. I’m impatient and unkind and short-tempered. I get shrill and dramatic over nothing.  I cry without warning or reason.  Sometimes I can’t focus and my memory gets squirrely.  I think that talking to me in those moments is like trying to communicate with a surly fishwife who’s been recently concussed.

I know that I’m a jerk and I don’t want to be.  I hate it!  And it is such a comfort and a relief when the Lord checks me and crooks me back in.  Sometimes He uses people (Thank you, John, for standing firm in the storm of crazy!).  Sometimes He uses animals (My dog has a look of pure wounded innocence that stabs my soul when I yell at her for having the audacity to act like a dog.).  And sometimes it’s just straight-up Jesus through the Bible.

2 Timothy 1:7 HCSB
For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness,
but one of power, love, and sound judgment.

God’s love holds the line, reminding me of what is real when I am unable to see it.

Grace, the unmerited favor of God.  It is God’s grace and love that checks my tantrum, stopping the spin before I careen off the cliff in a fiery self-immolation.  Grace moves as He wills, even when I feel utterly disconnected from Him in every way.  He is with me, and His rod and staff are a steady and present comfort in my current maelstrom of unpredictable emotions.

We have an anchor.

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    • Sam

      I was thinking along the lines of your words in those words of Jesus, “I have given you power to tread on serpents and snakes.” And I was wondering how many of those serpents and snakes might be INSIDE of us, trying to take advantage of His Seed, here and there, now and then.

      He says we have the power to tread on those serpents, a power that gets over those snakes, snares and the such. It goes along that 2 Tim 1:7 verse.

    • pearl

      He really IS enough even when we don’t feel like it and our addictions
      are not coming thru…He is still ever present and strong, and he is stable and He is an anchor during our times of withdrawal….that’s for sure!!!
      We are just seeing how very much those things have held us in their cruel bondage…and torment and now we are getting freeee….woohoo…yeah for us all!!!

    • Susan Little

      And we speak to that ‘mountain’ of withdrawals and evil cravings and cast them into the pit of hell and they have no place in you! To the lying vanities and whispers of the enemy, we declare and decree that all unrighteousness must shut its mouth! By the finished works of Calvary Jen is delivered and more than an conqueror! Take that devil!

    • Margo

      Oh, Jennifer – I like you! I like your personality, and your straightforward ways of speaking.
      God bless you in this sweaty battle! It will have an end!
      I’m praying for you.

    • Patricia

      I found the first month without nicotine to be the most trying–had difficulty concentrating.Attempting to balance my checking account was a memorable experience. Your dog will forgive your irritability. You WILL experience I Peter 5:8,9,&10–just hang on–the Lord will NOT leave you at this extremity. Peace and deliverance are on the way. Prayers.

    • Barb

      My addiction, Mt. Dew. Sugar and caffeine all rolled up in one. Turning to a way of healthy eating. Such a struggle.

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