Forgiveness and Reconciliation

holding a flower

I am unable to deal with forgiveness, on any level, without returning to the story of Joseph. In particular, I want to touch on the relationship between forgiveness and reconciliation, as illustrated by Joseph and his brothers.

Forgiving someone is absolutely not the same thing as being reconciled to them. Forgiving is all about letting go. When I forgive someone, I let go of my offense with them, I let go of the hurt they caused me, and I let go of the vengeance they’ve earned at my hand. (I am not being dramatic by mentioning vengeance—it is absolutely real, absolutely earned, and it is God’s to mete out.)

Reconciliation, on the other hand, is all about coming together, and the only true unity in the universe is in the Spirit, under the very real Lordship of Jesus Christ. So reconciliation is entirely the purview of God. I can forgive a person, truly forgive them, and never speak another word to them in this life. There is no contradiction between the two because they are entirely unrelated. I didn’t understand that at first.

There are times when I was tempted to withhold forgiveness, even knowing it meant I would forfeit my own much-needed forgiveness. This was partly due to a thirst for vengeance – it’s no secret that I run pretty hot – and partly because I believed that it would all be business-as-usual if I forgave. I figured that I’d be right back where I started and it was only a matter of time before I got kicked in the teeth again. I mean, that’s what forgiveness is, right? I wipe the slate clean for a person and three days later I’m taking it on the other cheek? Well, maybe…and maybe NOT.

If you haven’t lately, go back and read Genesis 42. Not only does Joseph have the ability to kill his brothers when they walk back into his life, he has the enormous advantage of recognizing them while they remain clueless as to his true identity. But Joseph doesn’t attack. He’s reminded of the dream that started it all, and he follows the instructions given to him so many years ago. Though Joseph “spoke roughly to them,” he’s not heartless or detached where his brothers are concerned. At one point he has to duck out of the way because he can’t keep from weeping. Joseph has forgiven his brothers, and his heart is wide open to them, but reconciliation is not immediate. Not even close!

Joseph’s work of forgiveness has enabled him to be an agent of reconciliation, but he’s not the one setting the terms—God is. The events that Joseph sets in motion over his brothers are pretty harsh. Everybody goes to jail for 3 days, then all the brothers get to go home except Simeon, who is bound in front of them and thrown back into jail to serve as collateral for quite a while. The rest get to go home and tell dear old dad that another one of his sons is gone. Oh! And to get him back, daddy’s new favorite son, Benjamin, has to travel back to Egypt with them, where he could easily be mummified by Egypt’s paranoid lord who thinks everyone is a spy. Fortunately, Jacob is an understanding and compassionate dad who rolls with all of it. Hahahahahaha! No, he SO is not!

“You have deprived me of my sons. Joseph is gone and Simeon is gone.
Now you want to take Benjamin. Everything happens to me!
Gen. 42:36 HCSB

I’ll let you read the rest of this swashbuckling tale of intrigue and dynastic feuding. This story has everything, doesn’t it? I love it!

Back to reconciliation, Joseph didn’t initiate a reunion even though he had forgiven completely and had great love for his brothers. He followed God’s lead. His brothers had to be reconciled to God before Joseph could be reconciled to them. There is only one unity, ever, and it’s on God’s terms.

What comes after the work of forgiveness is a surprise and an adventure, because it’s different for everyone. Maybe I’ll be an agent of reconciliation, like Joseph. Or maybe I’ll be an agent of vengeance, like Moses (Num. 31:1-2). Or maybe I’ll be an agent of deliverance, like Esther, or huge repentance, like the reluctant Jonah. The point is, I don’t know what God wants to do through me until He tells me. He made His will evident to Joseph, and He does the same for me. Forgiveness is only the beginning.

Divine Designed Life Podcast

Visit »

Never Miss A New Post!

    Site Tags

    Edit Template


    • Sam


    • Irene

      Jennifer, thank you for clearing away some of the clouds of confusion I too have had over these two issues. I have tried to push reconciliation in a relationship before Gods timing and it was a disaster. I am now waiting on Him, knowing there is true forgiveness in my soul for my brother, but God still has work to do (in both of us) before reconcilliation can come.

    • pearl

      Thank you …this is similar in a lot of ways
      to what is going on in a relationship with me.God is working
      the reconciliation in His timing….waiting to see the wonderful
      thing He will do…only in His timing…

    • Pauline

      Thank you, Jennifer, for letting Father sort this out for you to impart. I can see there are others with the same issue, including myself. After God’s forgiveness, repentance; being cleansed by Jesus’ Blood from resentment, bitterness, condemnation and blame, with my own situation(which has taken many years) and aksing forgiveness, God is now responsible for any reconciliation that I can’t make happen. So I’ve stopped fretting about it and looking for signs; just resting. It’s not about me anyway (which, after John’s post yesterday, is no longer a ‘Christian cliche;’ it’s reality!)
      The ones I am seeking reconciliation with don’t know Christ as Savior and Lord (yet) and maybe I’m just plain reaping what I sowed. But He is still Good and will have HIS way.

    • Linda

      Jen I pray the LORD will help me wrap my mind around this. I am sifting and listening. I KNOW it is a word for me. Thank you!

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Copyright © 2023 Get Along With God
    All rights reserved

    Stay up to date