Extracting Love

man praying in church pew

Today I want to begin a set of posts on the topic of LOVE.  As the Lord was preparing me for the Love Reigns conference, He asked if I would be willing to share a part of my testimony that’s very, very personal. After I said yes, He started opening up the message to me that I delivered at the Saturday morning session. It wasn’t painful to speak, but it was a raw pouring out of me for His purpose. And quite frankly, my motive in doing these posts is that I want to hear more on the subject. So I’ll share this here, trusting Him to reveal Himself further.

Love Me, Love Me, Love Me

Love Me, Love Me, Love Me!!!!
Very often I’ve tried to extract love from God. You know, to get Him to express His love for me in a way that I can feel. Especially in moments of depression, stress or fear, I wanted Him to display His love for me.  I look for a tangible touch—a confirmation of His love. I’ve wondered if this is a rare thought among Christians, or if I’m simply just one of the many. I don’t know, it seems somehow to be like sacrilege to mention it. As if it were a betrayal to the One who proves His love over and over again, even with the most ultimate Gifts of His Son’s life and His indwelling Spirit. But at the end of the day, I want Him to touch me.

I’ve gone about to many charismatic Christian conferences and meetings looking for this touch. Hungering for something that I could experience.  As I stated during “Love Reigns,” I’ve sought the Lord crying out, “Where are You?” In the past, the Spirit would apparently touch many around me and leave me untouched. I even had a friend joke with me that I was an “oak of righteousness,” meaning I stood like a tree when the Wind came.  But though I smiled, this was never funny to me.  I left these meetings often in tears, feeling disappointed and rejected. “What is wrong with me, God? Why don’t you touch me?”

Is this you?  Have you experienced this as well? Well, in these next few posts, I want to share what I’ve found. I want to tell some of my story, and open up some of the whys which He has revealed to me.  My prayer is that we’ll all see more of Him as I’m trusting Him to write these posts.

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    • Sam

      “Is this you?”

      Worse enough, you can make it up and lie to yourself: “that was God.” So, to your dry land you add up a pile of lies. Then, when time (God) gets you to be a bit more honest to yourself, you enter so easily into another lie: “God not working out in my life, He is doing nothing, He ignores me, this drought is so unbearable.”

      So, I am waiting for the Meeting Place of honor (and glory) you will talk about. Expectantly, I will keep quiet (silent) throughout the next posts.

    • Sandy

      Ooooooooh, yeah! The feeling of being “left out” was always terrible! The mind games… But Time has gone by and changed me too. Now I can look back at those experiences only because of the Cross… Thank you Jesus.

    • Tammy

      Precious John,
      I pray as I respond realizing that much, if not most, of what I type is “Tammy” and possibly not so much of Him. I long for the time when every thought, word, and deed are totally of Him, but for now this is what I have…
      Even before that holy Saturday morning, from afar, I have been witness to the Lord’s touch in your life. He has graced my listening ears and my reading eyes with accounts of your life…your walk…your relationship with Him. Once you shared about being left in such a state in your physical being that you were rendered helpless “tangible touch” confined to a tub of bath water. To me this was just one “confirmation of His love.” Since He IS love this particular act of God among others is confirmation. As you shared that account my heart ached that one so sompletely surrendered would be loved on by God in what I thought such cruel fashion. Cruel? Love is not cruel. Only my unknowing heart and mind would think anything of Him who IS love would be cruel. Cruel would be to leave us alone in our state of bondage to sin. He “touched” you there. My imagination wants to believe that the result of that particular touch drew you into an even deeper relationship with The One Who loves you beyond explanation or understanding.
      There was no question of His presence during the entire “Love Reigns” conference. However, Saturday morning when He had you share, I was witness to a “touch” from the Father like no other before. You talked about one of your experiences at a “charismatic Christian conference.” Your story was heart wrenching yet made me laugh (at your humorous telling of it) all at the same time. As I type this it has occured to me multiple times that I must be missing the point of your blog and have considered deleting my post…but here it reamins. I’ve thought surely if I see it then you have realized God’s touch in your life also.
      So – I went back and read your blog again.
      Maybe the actions of God that I see as love are actually God’s mercy towards us. But then I think, no. Not just mercy. He loves us so perfectly that even our sufferings are His sovereign Love Touch. As far as you standing “like a tree when the Wind came” I was priviledged to witness that Mighty Wind Saturday morning and even though your body was physically upright it was evident that you were bowing to His impartation.
      I type this with fear and trembling at the thought of laying my heart – my oh so sinful heart – bear for all to see. Because, I know nothing…absolutely nothing and yet I write believing that I have seen His touch upon you.
      So…here I’ve written this lengthy post and have not even addressed your question. “Is this you?” Quite possibly. I don’t know. But if it is I am ignorant of it myself. Maybe I don’t grasp your idea of His touch – but I want to. So I will be praying for His understanding as you share more of your story.

      • Tina

        Thanks for sharing Tammy. I know that it is very vulnerable to do so. The Spirit of God is able to sort out for each what is of us and what He wants to say. As we witnessed so powerfully during the conference the necessity of each of us being willing to be vulnerable, to let Him speak, to “know nothing”, to be exposed. This is a very difficult thing to do and learn because it is not safe out here!! But we are not called to protect ourselves but to be made fools for Christ. We can trust the love of God and those who are His to love us as we open our hearts and innermost need. We NEED each other. We need this honest communication. We need the freedom to be real. To share all of us so that His light can shine into our darkness and He can reveal our blindness. I realize that I have always feared what I cannot see about myself and am continually working to “see” but in that process I can error by striving, not loving myself…only seeing and fearing my humanity. I have to learn to let love cover me and to see myself free as Christ sees me.
        For you or others who have a facebook account. Please ask John to add you to the getalongwithGod group that is private where we can form a deeper intimacy with one another. We need each other.

        • Tammy

          Tina…at the moment I don’t have a Facebook account. It needed some attention that was too time consuming so I opted to just deactivate it. I will be reopening one in a week or two and will send word to John and ask him to connect me to the GetAlongWithGod group. Thank you for your suggestion.

          • Tina

            Wonderful Tammy!

      • shulamite

        Let’s see as He lays this thing out. But I do want to give you a brief peek ahead…I’m not in any way saying I’ve not been touched, quite the contrary. Stay tuned Tammy, I am going somewhere! But please feel free to comment as we walk on this path together, don’t shy away. Who knows you might be sharing the thoughts of the Lord. Thank you for being a witness Tammy! Thank you for seeing His movements and enjoying His life in mine.
        Blessings and love!

    • Wanda

      “/But at the end of the day, I want God to touch me” Yes! I have been touched by God many times, yet it always seems as if there is a ‘core’ left untouched, and that is my longing, that that place be touched so I might be changed Thank you once again for sharing. I look forward to the rest of the blogs.

    • Wanda

      John, I want to be on that Facebook group. How do I do it?

    • Diane

      I’d like to join that group also John. How do I go about it?

    • Sule Atagoz

      My dearest brother in Christ Jesus. Bless etch of those who believe without seeing said the Lord. 16 years ago when I came to Christ in a vision he came to me and he laid on me I was lost in the light that was eliminating to him it was the most infants formal of ecstasy that I have ever experienced it as a human being and I remember asking him are you my Lord he smiled He gently disappeared. Scenery quickly changed and it was dark and I was in the middle of the church next thing you know all the body parts legs torsos Heads falling from the dark skyand I heard the angels voice he said and 10,000’s fall around you and but you will not strike your foot against a stone because I will send my guardian angels to watch over you.year was 2002 and as I stood in the corner of 14th St. where send Vincent’s Hospital was I watch both twin towers crumble like cardboards. It took me 3 to 4 hours to walk through from 14 street to Staten Island ferry metro was crashed everything was covered with white haze and dust God is always with you John he is in you pulsating in your heart and every single cell in your body I believe at times he becomes quieter he wants to encourage our faith in him and take it to a higher level and then he comes through mostly through people who have the same kind of love towards and we are all empty vessels we are walking man or did I love you I love the way u receive my love and you are my brother in Christ and your wife Martha is my sister in Christ even though we have never met and even though I am still struggling with many worldly problems I know my Redeemer lives and my home is in heaven and my Lord is always always with me in Jesus precious name do not be afraid to break your body for him for the benefit of the church because this is what he did for us and day after day we become just like him glory to glory and we will never be perfect until we go to them on the other side in Jesus precious name I congratulate you for breaking your life for Jesus for the benefit of all of us amen

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