Expectations are a Narcissistic Demand for Perfection

Expectations are a Narcissistic Demand for Perfection

The evidence of our fallen world proves that perfection is humanly impossible to produce. We can’t expect it of others or ourselves. There is only One who is perfect. He has provided that perfection to us through His very Life and eternally we will taste the perfection of our Heavenly Father.

So perfectionism is merely a man-made construct to experience the perfect outside of God. It is destructive and debilitating to have these expectations. But still we persist. We can make everything all about us and our opinion of how things should be. And when things don’t fit into that perfect plan, we become irate.

If I’m not demanding that I do it perfectly, then I am requiring a perfect performance from another. Yet our actual reality is imperfection. And no matter how hard I try to make things perfect, things will not bow to my demand for perfection outside of Christ. Simply proof that I am NOT God! A reality none of us likes.

Not Being Perfect…

Not Being Perfect…
Let’s be honest, how many of us chastise ourselves when we fail to meet our own perfect mark? I can be my harshest critic in this arena. And if I happen to miss a beat in the song of “Bad John,” usually someone else will take up the refrain. We like perfect; the illusion of control makes us feel safe.

And what about our relationships? How big is the magnifying glass aimed at the people in our lives? Do we expect them to conform to our idea of how to live? Do we demand that their love and their time and their very response to us be on our terms only? Are they supposed to live up to our standard of what is proper? Which one of us can bear up under that scrutiny? We’ve lost before we ever start.

Expectations, Perfection, Narcissism…Oh My

Expectations, Perfection, Narcissism...Oh My
Expectations are everywhere. I have even expected people to respond to me in a certain way and when they don’t, I’m hurt. We design our perfect world and when it fails to meet our expectations, we get upset. In reality things are messy, out of order, and weirdly positioned – and we don’t like it.

Life is not perfect and the evidence is all around us. But there is a higher view than this. The world is ordered perfectly even as it fails to meet my demand for perfection. Our perfectionism and expectations only thwart our joy and limit our experience of God’s divine order. The reality of imperfection leads to my utter dependency on His perfection. I can’t control my world, and I can’t make it perfect, but Christ is the Master Perfecter. If I will release myself into Jesus’ hands and embrace His Will and Ways, I will experience His divinely ordered perfection rather than my hellbent demand to control though perfectionism.

We look away from the natural realm and we fasten our gaze onto Jesus who birthed faith within us and who leads us forward into faith’s perfection. His example is this: Because his heart was focused on the joy of knowing that you would be his, he endured the agony of the cross and conquered its humiliation, and now sits exalted at the right hand of the throne of God!
Hebrews 12:2 TPT

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    • LeAnn

      What a gift to read this today, John—as I want to ‘press on towards the goal’ of Christ Himself, the substance of your post is like training for me. Like an athlete, I need to subject myself to more and more rigorous training; it is no small thing to give up works of perfectionism and let go—and let God! How difficult to explain but what a joy to accept His rest, perfect peace, in Christ.

      • That is absolutely awesome LeAnn! So glad this was richness for you. I so agree. We don’t have to live there and can enter perfect rest and peace in Christ.

    • tammy

      Well…guess if I’d read this before I commented on the previous post – there would have been no need to comment. ???

      “…the illusion of control makes us feel safe.”
      This is exactly why I try to keep all things in a perfect (according to me) order. Once I realize I’m doing this – He graciously allows for repentance, yet again.


      • That is awesome Tammy! Glad it all got answered. I am praying for you and your family and loving you. Standing in faith to His huge perfection in the cloud of unknowing. Big hug!

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