One of the best things about having a completely honest talk with God is the oft-unexpected exposure of my heart. Whether it’s loud or quiet, dramatic or peaceful, when I go to God and tell Him my doubts or hopes, or ask my questions, He usually gives me a glimpse of my true desires—or fears.
In light of all that God is doing to uproot unbelief in my life, I want to touch on a specific dealing concerning knowledge. Years ago, when Martha first broached the issue of “I know” with me, it provoked my pride intensely. When I was alone, I angrily asked God why He bothered to give us the capacity for intelligence at all if what He really wanted was a herd of ignorant sheeple. I deliberately misunderstood the entire spiritual dealing because it was threatening to my “security system.” I deeply believed that the more I knew, the safer I would be. But until I stood in my living room and threw angry accusations at the ceiling, I really didn’t know that about myself.
The heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it?
Jeremiah 17:9 NKJV
Some verses are easy for me to remember and memorize because the truth in them is just so shocking. Do I actually BELIEVE that I don’t know my own heart? I don’t really know. I do know that this verse always felt very personal to me, like the Spirit was warning me that the vast stretch of unknown variables wasn’t just out in the world around me but deep within as well. It’s a sobering thought, and one that’s brought me to my knees more than a few times.
God doesn’t call for the renewing of our minds because He prizes ignorance. That’s not why the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was made off-limits, but I’ve certainly heard – and entertained – that particular accusation. No, God’s not pursuing lobotomies for all. And I KNOW this, because He’s settled my heart about it. Martha put it so succinctly to me. She said, “You can have your own thoughts about a person or situation or idea…or you can have the mind of God Himself. Which do you prefer?”
Well, which do you think?! God does NOT fight fair, that’s for sure. I’m not meant to take “every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” for the purpose of imitating a vegetable from the neck up. I’m meant to surrender my thoughts – my incredibly limited mind – so that the mind of Christ Jesus, the Word Himself, will have my brain for a home. I am nearly unable to grasp the enormity of that gift! God asks me to give Him my rusted out Yugo with a busted transmission and no wiper fluid, in exchange for His own mint-condition 1967 Shelby GT Super Snake. An imperfect analogy, but it works well enough.
The only real drawback is that I don’t get to pull wisdom from God on-demand. It’s His mind, and He moves when He moves. Ever had someone ask you for help as they wrestle with a huge crisis? Ever had to tell them that you don’t have anything for them, because you know God hasn’t moved or spoken yet? That’s a hard thing to do. It’s no small thing to simply wait for God’s word, for His will. To hold still while someone’s overwhelming need or fear or desire screams at you, demanding you to move or speak. It can be agonizing. But it’s not knowledge that’s on the line for me when that happens. I always thought it was, but it’s not. No, it’s my belief, my faith, in who He is and what He promises, “that all things work together for good to them that love God.”
My belief in both the sovereignty and goodness of God allows me to surrender to His timing and His ways and His very dominion, so that’s the point of attack. Maybe that’s why we’re called believers.