I know that this will come as a great surprise to most of you, but I am actually a bit of a talker. I talk a lot. A. LOT. Always have. I do enjoy silence and solitude, and NEED it quite desperately, but if anyone else is around, the babbling begins. It’s terrible (for others) and terribly humiliating (for me).
In my last post, I shared a bit about my lifelong struggle to have a “no” – and the great healing brought by the Spirit in a leap of belief. I’m already experiencing the fruit of that believing: I am comfortable with silence and delighting in my “no.” It’s amazing!
I’ve always been incredibly nervous when people begin asking me questions, because I never really believed that I had the right to refuse to answer. Wasn’t that rude or disrespectful? Isn’t it lying to refuse to tell the truth when asked? What if I hurt their feelings and then they hate me? So much WRONG packed into three little sentences, but I think you get the picture.
But now? I almost don’t recognize myself! I got hit with a barrage of questions yesterday, and some were very personal, and I didn’t feel the slightest twinge at any time. I was kind and respectful and had great joy over the person, but I didn’t feel any need to fill the silences. You know the pull you experience when someone wants something from you? Well, I could feel it, but it had no effect on me. In fact, I was downright cheerful when I refused to answer a very personal question. The exuberant “no” wasn’t just a one-off—it’s here to stay!
Did you know that silence between two people has depth and texture? It’s not just some scary space that needs to be filled with words in order to keep acid reflux at bay. In fact, there’s a beautiful stillness – a peace – a joy of silence that I’ve never truly experienced before now, and I’m in awe of the impact that Love’s hush can have on a heart.
To You belongs silence (the submissive wonder of reverence which bursts forth into praise)…
Psalm 65:1a AMP
As I marveled at the complete freedom and composure that were suddenly mine, and I thought, “Is this how healthy people feel all the time?” How astonishing! I made a choice to believe God, and I moved on that choice, and everything changed. And that was just one leap of belief on one particular word of the Spirit, so imagine how wondrous life will be when I live believing (giving myself up to Him, taking myself out of my own keeping and entrusting myself into His keeping ENTIRELY) with all my heart!