New Eyes, New Life

So what does happen when you stand before the Cross, soot-soaked and tear-stained, and ask Jesus Christ for the impossible?

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
Matthew 7:7-8 NKJV

Well, I found myself on the other side of repentance, with a clean heart and conscience, but something was missing. And I truly didn’t know what that might be. All I knew was that I needed something more.

I went through the usual period of questioning. “I’ve just been forgiven, so how is that not enough? What’s wrong with me?” But this yielded nothing, so I just quieted my mind and waited. Halfway through the day, I left for lunch. On the drive home, I started crying. How could I ask for something when I didn’t even know what it was? It seemed impossible and I felt ridiculous. I finally took it to my Father.

“I don’t know what’s missing here, but something definitely is. This isn’t over, and I don’t even know how I know that. I need more from You. I don’t know what it is that I need, but I KNOW that I need it. Just…please, God. Please.”

That was all I said. But between making my lunch and eating it, the Lord gave me what I needed. No bells and whistles, no great flash of insight, no sudden “Aha!” Instead, He quietly gave me new eyes through which to view my life—His eyes, to be exact.

All the new responsibilities that I was woefully inadequate to perform were not there to frighten or discourage me. They were a gift from Him, new skills to learn, an adventure to brighten my days. The fear of failing everyone just fell off of me! He was taking me in a new direction because He loves me and has plans for my life that I simply never considered possible. These new challenges were exciting, not overwhelming!

I’ve never realized just how crippled I’ve been by viewing everything in my life through the lens of what I believe I CAN’T do. It’s not the big, fantastic, miraculous dreams that I struggle with – they’re easy. It’s the practical, day-to-day miracles that seem an impossibility. For instance, learning a new skill takes time. But what if there aren’t enough hours in the day already? How can I use time that I don’t have to learn something new? I just couldn’t SEE that “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Mt. 19:26). Doesn’t that only apply to giant miracles of healing and feeding 5,000 people and raising people from the dead?! Not so much.

What I needed was a new vision of my life, and He gave me a great deal more than that. He showed me how much HE loved my life. I saw how much care He put into the assignments He gave. I may not have the time or inclination to think about my future, but He does, and He did. My life is an adventure, and He’s constantly giving me new things to see and do because He loves me. And most importantly, every new challenge and responsibility is a new place to meet HIM, to experience HIM in a new way. My life looks completely different now, and what was once a torment is now a living picture of the riches my Father delights to give me.