My sacrifice [the sacrifice acceptable] to God is a broken spirit;
a broken and a contrite heart
[broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent],
such, O God, You will not despise.
Psalm 51:17 AMP
John’s post yesterday really pierced me, and I realized something. I am ever bemoaning the circumstances that God uses to humiliate my pride, and I am constantly ashamed of the frequency with which I bottom out in a heap of brokenness on the floor. Yet these are the very things that keep my heart engaged with God’s.
I need Him. I need His love, first and foremost, but I also need to love Him. I need to experience the wonder of who He is. I require awe and reverence, the realization that there is a world out there beyond my comprehension, but not beyond my reach. I need to know that the daily, mundane tasks matter to Him (and they do), and I need to know that in Him, my life has eternal significance (and it does). Need is encoded in every cell of my body, but John was right when he said it’s not our need that makes Him move—it’s His faithfulness.
That’s what blew me away. I am a mess, and He is faithful. I am ever in need, and He faithfully supplies. God leads me through the life He authored, and He responds to my broken and contrite heart—because He is faithful LOVE. It is that exact inhuman, miraculous quality that I cannot long survive without, or it all goes sideways.
When I look too long at everything that isn’t Him, I start to shut down. And after I read John’s post, I realized that it’s actually the early stages of freezing. My heart goes numb without Him. And because He is faithful, He doesn’t just let me spiral out—He makes sure that I do! He brings me to the bottom of myself, again and again, because that’s where He waits.
All it takes is a few days of sleeping in, of chasing my “bliss” down stupid little paths away from my God, and I begin to go numb. And in my Father’s great mercy and love and faithfulness, He authors the avalanche that breaks my cooling heart. The antidote is always God, just ever and more of God. And He keeps me because I’m His child, yes, but many a father lets their child go. Our Father keeps us because He’s faithful and true and LOVE.
Thank you, Jesus, for every broken and contrite heart, because “such, O God, You will not despise!”