Behind it All, God

John’s post yesterday perfectly moves us into the homestretch of my series on dealing with parents.  Why did God choose my parents?  What did He intend by that choice?  What is the meaning here?

Sooner or later, every offense or hurt or issue finds its way back to the sovereign hand of God.  I think that’s why I avoided really digging in and facing the hard truths for so long.  I knew that eventually I’d end up in front of God.  If God is GOD, and I’ve always known that He is, then He could have stepped in, changed up, halted, rescued, removed, etc.  God could have given me a different life, created me to be a better person, or chosen other parents for me – but He didn’t.

For a long time, I didn’t want to take it to God because I didn’t believe that it would make any difference at all.  God already knew everything about me, including my heart, but nothing was changing.  I thought that I just needed to do the work, take in all the teachings designed for inner healing and resign myself to this life.  Not accept (to receive willingly), but resign (to stop resisting).  There’s a difference between choosing to receive something, and choosing to stop fighting the existence of something.  Resignation is a false peace that I know very well.

So I see two things at play in asking God what He intended when He chose my parents: acknowledging His sovereignty and receiving His choice willingly.  Something miraculous happens when we acknowledge God’s sovereignty to Him.  He becomes a real Person and not just an idea or doctrine or mysterious “other.”

For me, God ceased to be the cold, Hulk-smash caricature of my imagination.  Now, I didn’t ask the right question; I asked “why,” I asked it in a fury, and I book-ended it with every accusation under the sun.  I didn’t get an answer to my question, but I did get a thunderbolt of wrath and chastening.  Do you get how awesome that is?!  God heard me, and He responded – with the deep love that is discipline, a love reserved for His own children.  God responded to me!  I had badmouthed God and His people and His church many, many times before I was saved – and He didn’t respond to me.  But when I poured out my hurt and anger with Him, to Him, I was acknowledging that He was GOD and the buck stopped with HIM.  And He responded to me.

You have to actually look at God if you’re going to talk to Him honestly.  You have to acknowledge that He is GOD, unimpeachably sovereign, if you’re angry with Him or hurt by Him.  When God ceased to be a caricature to me and I began to know Him as a Person, everything changed.  We began to dance.  Every step toward Him was rewarded with a new glimpse of His great heart.  And each glimpse resulted in more love for Him – and trust in Him.  Receiving the life He’s given us is easier the more we experience His love for us in actuality, and not just as an idea.

So I didn’t ask that amazing question when I had my foundational dealing with my parents – and my life.  But I’m excited to ask it now, to find out what the meaning is behind it all, every choice of the Author of my story.  If you’ve yet to make real peace with your parents, then I do pray that you receive Martha’s wisdom and ask THAT question.  Raise your eyes and bend your knees and ask the question that will catapult you off the merry-go-round and into your LIFE.