How to be a Divine Lover


As a man, I know we can approach intimacy as we would a vending machine. We pay the fee, press E6 to get the candy bar, and then, “My, that was delicious!” But this is not how an actual lover loves, there is a higher love, being a divine lover.

The Motivation of a Divine Lover

The Motivation of a Divine Lover
A lover isn’t motivated primarily by self-satisfaction but by relationship. Lovers are involved in the process of loving. Lovers woo and entreat. A lover is focused on the one they love.

Love is about interaction and relationship. Love is for enjoying the one you love. There’s never enough time for a lover, because love never stops. There isn’t a start and end time, because there isn’t a goal line for the lover. A lover isn’t looking for satisfaction, because a lover satisfies. A lover’s satisfaction is in the gift of satisfying.

Satisfying My Appetite or Being a Lover

Satisfying My Appetite or Being a Divine Lover
Sure a lover receives pleasure, but a lover’s aim isn’t to that end. The loving is the aim. Another analogy would be eating out of the refrigerated case at a convenience store versus fine dining. Sure, both fill my gut, but fine dining is a prolonged experience of enjoyment, while eating at a convenience store is simply satisfying my appetite. The results are quite different. One is empty calories propping me up until another feeding. The other is an experience of life.

Being the lover celebrates my highest nature, where using another to satisfy myself is bestial. Seeking to gratify my urges lowers me, even as it trashes the victim of my gratification. I make common what is intended to represent something holy.

Representing The Divine Lover

Representing The Divine Lover
The purpose of loving is to represent my Beloved. The design of being a lover on this earth is to be a representation of our Heavenly Example. And in all reality, it’s only done as Jesus Himself loves through me. You see, even if I set out to be a lover, if self is the source, self will be the motivation. Apart from Christ’s Life, it’s impossible to love without being involved in love for self. There is only One Lover, and that is God.

We become a lover by being loved by the Lover.  We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). I can only be a lover by receiving my Beloved, and then letting my Beloved be the Lover through me. God has enough love to love the whole world, but being His beloved is quite a different thing. God’s love is holiness itself, and to be His beloved is different than the love He has for all of creation. This is the love that is less common and more holy.

Notable Lovers

Notable Lovers
There’s Valentino, Casanova, Romeo, etc…all notable lovers for sure.  But as I said, if self is the source, self will be the motivation. Even the highest human expression and demonstration of love is still at its core—for self.

The reason Christ’s love was so amazing is that it was for the Father. This seems strange to reference when speaking of romantic love, but when a man loves with the love of God rather than the love of self, there is a connection with the Divine order of love, which considers the whole of the one being loved, down to their very DNA.

The Divine Lover

When I am loved as God’s beloved, then and only then can I be a true lover. I can only love because He has first loved me.  His love is life-changing in and through me.  When He has first place as my Beloved, then He also has first rights to love through me. A divine lover is not relegated to simple marital or romantic love, but as a source of God’s intimate love towards those He’s called you to be in relationship with as well.  A divine lover is a beacon of Divine Love and Life. This is so much more than physical love – it makes us a literal fountain of His Life.

Yes, we love Him because He first loved us. If a man says, “I love God” and hates his brother, he is a liar. For if he does not love the brother before his eyes how can he love the one beyond his sight? And in any case it is His explicit command that the one who loves God must love his brother too.
1 John 4:19-21 (Phillips)

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    • Layman Lee

      Another great post shows the real reason we have to give up self in order to be like Christ
      God Bless you John,
      Layman Lee

    • Irene

      Once again The Lord provides for me through you dearest John. This afternoon, I will begin meeting with three young women who have chosen a study titled “You Are Loved” to work through. I have prayed for a way to focus our discussion on Jesus and your words this morning have given me that focus. Thank you John for your availability to The Holy Spirit.

    • Paul

      Wow, John…you really wax eloquent. What a rich teaching! I know you are obviously writing to challenge us to our growth in Christ-likeness, but this sure is wonderful teaching on how we should love in our marriages. Blessings always dear brother!

    • Cindy Pollard

      Thank you John!!! Out here on the west coast so many are filled with programs, ministry, position, and titles. When I live in a loving relational way, I take flack. I just want my Lover to be loved. Everyone else seems to be happy with the PROGRAM. I just want the PERSON.

      • Irene

        Cindy, amen to the program vs Person dilemma!

    • Marsela

      Wow, thank you so much for this post, John!

      “When I am loved as God’s beloved, then and only then can I be a true lover. I can only love because He has first loved me. His love is life-changing in and through me. When He has first place as my Beloved, then He also has first rights to love through me”

      None of us can go far in our Christian life and walk without the revelation that we are loved as God’s beloved.
      The measure of our love to the Lord, is the measure in which we realize the Lord’s love to us.
      The measure of my heart’s appreciation of His love to me, is the measure of my love back to Him, always. If I have little appreciation, then there is little love for the Lord.

      I have made that my first prayer every morning, that I may abide in His love, for the purpose of loving Him back. Loving Him is His first command, His supreme desire, and I realize, that without my heart continually abiding in His Love for me, I can’t do that.
      Many know God loves them, few live in the enjoyment of that love. And it is in the enjoyment of that love, that I can love Him back, and be a vessel of His love flowing through me to others.

      Thank you so much again for your ministry!

      • Irene

        I am always amazed at how this blog community blesses me with amazing insights. Thank you Marsela for adding rich thoughts.

    • tammy

      God is so Cool! He just tickles me!

      I think it was just yesterday, maybe the day before, as I prayed the question came to mind; “Who is your first love – in what order of importance are those you love?”
      My response began with what I thought was going to be a list ?. Being the list maker that I am I was not surprised ?.

      In my mind I listed (1) God, and sat out to list number (2) – but there came no other number (2) – God was filling that spot on my list too. Before I could ask Him what was going on He gave me this. “Because He is number (1) I have no number (2). Yes, I could make a list and add my precious husband, and then children, grandchildren, family, friends, etc. but because He is number (1) I have no need to make a list because He loves all others after Him, through me and for me.”

      “When He has first place as my Beloved, then He also has first rights to love through me.”

      “To God our Savior,
      Who alone is wise,
      Be glory, and majesty,
      Dominion and power,
      Both now and forever.
      Jude 25:25


      • Wanda

        Tammy, that is really precious. What a wonderful way to see love.

      • shulamite

        I am with Martha there! This is brilliant and wonderful. Perfectly stated and expressed. Bless you Tammy and thank you for sharing this.

        “When He has first place as my Beloved, then He also has first rights to love through me.” Yes all my twos are taken care of perfectly. WOW!

        Love you! ?

      • Martha Kilpatrick

        Dear Tammy, Brilliant! I am printing this for my journal. I can imagine the joy of Jesus over this.

    • Pauline

      Confirmations, John, so many times with these blogs! Going through a difficult time, spiritually, for the past few days but for this battle, the Lord is training my hands to war a little differently after finally hearing Him last night, instead of ‘another.’

      It almost seemed too simple and it goes right along with the scripture you’re presenting in 1Jn 4:19. [For now,] instead of saying “I love You” to God, I’m to say: “Father, You love me,” and continue to focus on His presence — As soon as I’m awake, even before getting out of bed: “You are with me, right here, right now.” (Spoken) This is several times an hour, sometimes — at home, work, driving, reading, in the elevator, the shower, etc., etc.: take a breath, “You are with me, right here, right now.” So simple. His powerful love and presence is my only refuge! The battlefield is quiet, right now; the weapon[the word in your first line]: intimacy.

      From slavery to daughter, (done, but fully owned – ?) one little step at a time, anticipating reaching out to allow Him to love those in my small sphere of influence, through me — more confident in His love for me and able, by God, to take my mind off runaway thoughts that make Him less than Who He is.

      I realize, John, that spiritual warfare is more in depth than this . . . “small beginnings.”

      “His love is life-changing in and through me.” – Yes, John and thank you!

      • shulamite

        Bless you Pauline. Stand with you in this difficult time. You have a Beloved, who loves you beyond word. Your declaration reminds me to Derek Prince’s book Prayers and Proclamations. These affirmations have such power! “Father, You love me!” It is truth and the speaking of it cements and solidifies it in my knowing reality. Love you!

    • Ulrike

      Thank you John for your honest and joyful article! You cannot know, how precious and liberating this your testimony is for me, because all the time I listened to believers, who would tell me, that Divine love is basically obedience, and sacrifice, on the whole we have to be a servant of God. Yes, letting our Lord Jesus love us and with His love loving Him, out of this delightful practice will flow the rivers of living water He promised. He tells me, that this deep love is the greatest joy for His heart (this is our real service).
      Bless you!

      • shulamite

        I am so pleased this ministered to you! It impacted me greatly as well. To be a vessel He loves and one He loves through is absolutely amazing. My human love is fickle at best. Reliance on His love is the true adventure of experiencing love. Bless you Ulrike! Thank you for reading the blog.

    • Shirley Castanuela

      Wow John! Not another method but a living impartation. Really got it with the analogy of the refrigerator case vs fine dining🤣. Thanks

      • Love you Shirley! Thank you for all that you are and who you are! You have so received the living impartation of the Son and now reflect it to your world!

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