But Now I See

rainbow eye

I had heard rumors about You,
but now my eyes have seen You.
Therefore I take back my words
and repent in dust and ashes.
Job 42:5-6 HCSB

Job is describing perfectly what I experienced, and will continue to experience as my relationship with God deepens. Seeing God changes everything! Without personally interacting with the living God, it’s all just rumor and speculation. If there’s no true relationship, then I’m just a groupie or an obsessed fan, clinging to the fantasy I’ve created because I know that true intimacy is impossible. No, my God is real and present and speaking and interacting—and my life turns on every Word He speaks and every glimpse of His Heart that I perceive.

Each time I see Him, a greater sense of the eternal is planted in my heart. And I so desperately need that! The vastness of God allows me to slip my “mortal coil” and go beyond what I see and into what HE sees. And I’ve just discovered how much I needed to know how He sees me.

When you love someone, what they think about you is extremely important. Imagine, you’re standing in front of the absolute love of your life, the person that makes waking up in the morning awesome even if you only slept 2 hours. They look deeply into your eyes and gently say, “You are a disappointment in every possible way. I have to bite the inside of my lip to keep from nodding off when you speak, and the only word that consistently comes to mind when I see you is ‘mediocre.’” Would you shrug that off, or would your whole world come crashing down?

I’ve been convinced for a long time that because Christ died for me while I was still a sinner, that His view of me was stuck in wretch mode. If God sees everything, and He does, then how could He possibly see me in any positive way? That is the insidious pride of self-hatred. Insidious because it keeps us from the very thing we so desperately need: to see ourselves as our one true LOVE sees us.

And the reason I needed to see ME as HE sees me is so that I could see HIM. When I glimpsed how God sees me, I saw His great Heart. I saw a deep well of mercy and forgiveness, enormous tenderness and inexplicable delight, and a love that I have no words to describe. It was just me and Him. This wasn’t some vicarious buzz from a holy relic, or a framed, autographed glossy to prove I’m connected to Him. No, I experienced the Father-Heart of God in reality, and I am forever changed.

I don’t know much about anything, including my own life, but I know this: my big life changes follow a change in vision. The sight of my nephew splayed in a NICU incubator dragged my heart out of hellish depression and into the light of Love—love at first sight. Only 4 years later, my surrender to Christ as Savior AND Lord led to my first glimpse of the Almighty – the bottom of His Foot – and I was born again from above. And now this.

We need to see ourselves as God sees us, because that breaks down walls and takes us straight to Him. I’ve just experienced this, and all I did was repent, surrender, and say yes to God. It was His joy to show me everything I needed to see.

After the death of Abraham, God blessed his son Isaac,
and Isaac dwelt at Beer-lahai-roi
[A well to the Living One Who sees me].
Gen. 25:11 AMP

Read Part 1: I Once Was Blind

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    • Irene

      “…and all I did was repent, surrender, and say yes to God.” That is all that is needed; it is enough. Wow! (I continue to contemplate the concept of the pride of self-hatred, this post added more clarity.)

      • Tina

        Yes, Irene I agree. It is the work of our Mighty God! May His vision increase in you and His light shine brightly in every dark place. “even the night is light to You” O gracious Lord.

    • LT

      O Lord! Dear Jennifer, He came through this writing with such radiance and beauty, holy. “He is the sole expression of the glory of God [the Light-being, the out-raying or radiance of the divine (the only way i could describe how He came through..penetratingly, holily) Two scriptures actually came – both seeming to reveal HIs soon coming … That from Hebrews 1:3 Amp. and Habakkuk 3:3-4 NAS & Amp…”His radiance is like the sunlight, rays streamed from His hand, and there [in the sunlike splendor] was the hiding place of His power”. Bless you, dear Jennifer, and thank you for sharing Him, preparing His way. I love the scriptures He gave you too – such perfect parentheses. Ah, and one more … ” You are beautiful as Tirzah, my darling, as lovely as Jerusalem, as awesome as an army with banners …”

    • pearl

      thank you so much, I’m gonna post this..I sooo need prayer today just a tough day…thanks ahead of time!!

      • Tina

        Father wrap Pearl in the covering of Your grace. Open her eyes to see from Your perspective the work that you are doing in her struggle. Let her see the gold that is coming forth from this fire. Send Your Word wrapped in love to encourage and strength her and renew her vision. In Jesus name we ask.

    • Sam

      “That is the insidious pride of self-hatred. Insidious because it keeps us from the very thing we so desperately need: to see ourselves as our one true LOVE sees us.”

      This is so true, Jennifer. I also have to fight against the mess of lies the Serpent tries to entramp us all with.

      Self-love and self-protection (pride) pay haste to the Serpent. The “old” listens to death.

      It is really all about pride.

      • Sam

        (serpent with small “s”, would you please!)


      • Sam

        Only CHRIST sees CORRECTLY!!

      • Sam

        I really see “self hatred” is the same coin of “self love”.

        I agree with you… it is pride!

    • Brother Kirk

      I am going to take time right now, and see how He sees me, Thanks Jennifer

    • Nancy

      Amen, Jennifer.

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