But I was a CHILD!

Child looking out window in backseat of car

Oh, the dreaded plight of the vulnerable. How many times have I screamed out at God, “I was a child, how could You have allowed this? It’s not fair!” Nothing has given me a stronger platform to accuse God than my presumed innocence. My fiery anger against God wafted up because He allowed my suffering. “But I asked for Your help, and You didn’t help me!” The next step towards the end of this short plank was to find out that my pain wasn’t just allowed by Him, but was planned. Sovereignty is an all or nothing proposition. I’m not saying I’ve liked this, but it is the reality. And even when I refuted it as fact, by pulling a slight of hand in my mind, God is Sovereign – whether I yield to Him or not.

The only way I can embrace His sovereignty is to view it through the lens of His goodness. Every other assessment is flawed and will lead me to bitterness. The thing about sovereignty is that even after I choose to accept it, I still can remain its martyr. I can see it as further abuse. Of course this too is a slippery slope because it also is an accusation of God. Straight up, God’s acts have to be judged by His character. There’s no other way. I have to see that behind His sovereign hand is His loving heart, or I will become bitter.

There is no convincing anyone of God’s goodness within His sovereign acts. As I said in my last post, understanding doesn’t proceed bowing. We aren’t availed the privilege of understanding prior to bowing to Him as God. Every wise character in the Bible yielded to God’s sovereignty in suffering, and then were they given wisdom and the blessing held in sorrow’s hands. Look at Daniel, David, Joseph and Job.

Sovereignty chafes our will to build our faith. Sovereignty is a challenge to our willfulness in order to make us pliable. Sovereignty is a summons to bow to the Eternal King. Sovereignty is an invitation into relationship with a God who works all things together for the good of those who love Him. And lastly, sovereignty is Love!

When seen in the light of Love, our wounds from the many hands who raised us are more about our formation then we know. These scars can be our making and not our curse; the very thing that brings us to Him, rather than what pushes us away.

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28 HCSB

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    • Sam

      Absolutely! Thank you.

      I believe soverignty is such an intimate and deep knowledge of God. It was such for those you named! My amount of intimacy with Him is related to His soverignty over me. I think it keeps such an exact proportion.

      That’s why intimacy with Him is such a rare thing, because I can only believe in a Good-Sovereign God by completely dying to myself.


    • Sandy

      Learning better about God’s eternal sovereignty through this ministry and to accept it has definitely changed my walk with the Lord. I can clearly see a before and after… God has changed me through your giving. Thank you so much…

      • Gaby

        Sandy, what you say is so right! I wonder how many people have got to know the reality of their God (and of themselves:) by Shulamite Ministries! I am definitely one of them!

        • Tammy


          • Irene


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