I have chosen to lean, trust and confidently rely on Him and not me! I’m learning to wait for His defining of ALL situations. But He confronted me the other day with a block to this.
I come to situations with feelings about them. I come with thoughts I believe are from Him, and say, “Is this what You mean?” rather than “What are you saying?” This is still coming laden with MY thoughts, even if they stem from His.
It’s coming with hands full, looking for His confirmation. That is not leaning. To “lean” is to go completely empty, looking for His filling. Coming with NO opinions, no thoughts and no strength.
So often I have come to the table with a cornucopia of opinion. Unless I am willing to come, having released them all, I can’t receive from the Lord. Empty is the only position to receive, because God will not make mixture.
But I could say, “I don’t want to come empty. It is too vulnerable. It’s scary!” Yes, it is. To trust and completely rely on someone else, even God, is to be very naked. Why do you think Adam and Eve clothed themselves? When they chose the tree of knowledge, the rift was made and their vulnerability was created. Prior to their choice to separate their thoughts from His, they were not exposed. His thoughts covered them COMPLETELY. We have to again choose to receive this covering.
It is a choice for the lifetime habit of refusing to know. It is like a muscle we have to strengthen. And unfortunately, the atrophying of self-will takes time. We must be willing to wait and be silent. But what stands opposed is our obsession to KNOW. I personally am deciding to never know again.
You know the relational phrase,
“You can be RIGHT or you can be happy,
but you can’t be BOTH.”
Well, I would like to rephrase that for relating to God,
“You can KNOW or you can know Him,
but you can’t do BOTH.”
When we lust to know in our Adamic nature, God has no compulsion to fight our free will. If we prefer our knowledge over His, He will let us coddle our thoughts. But the result of this stance is death and isolation.
There is a secret here. You will never know the opinions you have to abandon without being in touch with your heart. So you can’t even come empty without being aware of your own heart. Feeling what you feel and knowing what you are feeling. We have to know our personal barrier to God’s choice, and then be willing to relinquish it. This is impossible without heart connection.
In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Polonius says, “To thine own self be true.” This is part of the process. You must come to the Lord in the truth about what you feel, relinquishing it as meaningless, and accept His Truth as the only reality. But unless you know what is in your heart, you have nothing to lay down. We all have stuff to lay aside. To “blink out” that which festers there only causes blindness not liberation. It costs you everything but in return, you get Him.