Because I was so bitter and irresponsible and entitled before I was saved, there was a great deal of demolishing and training on this ground. I was highly tuned to bitterness and irresponsibility and entitlement, and that was perfect for that time. But now that I have more of a foundation in the Lord, He is opening my eyes to the freedom He delights to give me in my responsibilities—most especially in the responsibility I have to own my choices.
The Responsibility I Have to Choose
I still remember the jolt I received when I read the following passage in Martha’s booklet, Decision:
“When the Lord reveals His will and His standard, He calls for decision. The Lord Jesus wants agreement not acquiescence. He seeks a willing partner, not a mindless slave. Ever He is inspiring a love relationship, and this is the privilege of entering fully the adventure of life with Christ…by delighted choice!
All things in life are about choosing. Belief is a choice to believe. Doubt is a decision to doubt.”
I was jolted then because I had never seen my own free will as the true rudder of my life, let alone my responsibility. That truth exposed many wounds and the very wrong responses to those wounds that set me on the path of bitterness. It was a very necessary and even wonderful time in my walk with the Lord. As terrible as it is to know just how much you’ve displeased the Lord, there is a self-respect that only comes when you actually take responsibility for the life and times born of your choices. No blaming others, no letting yourself off the hook, no feeling sorry for yourself—just you and your free will in the Light of God. This was the core of my inner healing.
For a long time, I saw free will almost solely in the light of accountability and responsibility, but that’s changing. There’s a light of hope and JOY in free will that is new to my heart.
Freedom and Joy in My Responsibility
Also from Decision:
“The heart is the core of your inner self, the hidden source of all you are. We speak and act from the heart. The heart is the mind, will and emotion—the place where you think, feel, and then…decide.
You face what you want and what you believe, and from there you choose. And that constant secret work of choice directs your very life. That is the will.
Decision is not ‘I want’ or ‘I wish’ or ‘maybe.’ The will is always yes or no. No decision is actually a ‘no.’ We choose. In response to every issue and for every event, we choose. However unconsciously and instinctively, quite apart from logic, we decide. We live by our will. So the will sets your course and then what you have chosen leads you. Naturally, fully.
We rule our choices and then our decisions rule us.”
The will sets my course. This is not just a truth of reckoning, but a truth of new beginnings! Because of my God-given choice, I will always have a measure of freedom that no one and nothing can touch. Enslaved or imprisoned, I STILL have a choice. I am NEVER stuck or trapped or ensnared with God. I can always choose.
This is such hope to me, such a shocking joy! Maybe you see it, too?