Today I want to begin a set of posts on the topic of LOVE. As the Lord was preparing me for the Love Reigns conference, He asked if I would be willing to share a part of my testimony that’s very, very personal. After I said yes, He started opening up the message to me that I delivered at the Saturday morning session. It wasn’t painful to speak, but it was a raw pouring out of me for His purpose. And quite frankly, my motive in doing these posts is that I want to hear more on the subject. So I’ll share this here, trusting Him to reveal Himself further.
Love Me, Love Me, Love Me
Very often I’ve tried to extract love from God. You know, to get Him to express His love for me in a way that I can feel. Especially in moments of depression, stress or fear, I wanted Him to display His love for me. I look for a tangible touch—a confirmation of His love. I’ve wondered if this is a rare thought among Christians, or if I’m simply just one of the many. I don’t know, it seems somehow to be like sacrilege to mention it. As if it were a betrayal to the One who proves His love over and over again, even with the most ultimate Gifts of His Son’s life and His indwelling Spirit. But at the end of the day, I want Him to touch me.
I’ve gone about to many charismatic Christian conferences and meetings looking for this touch. Hungering for something that I could experience. As I stated during “Love Reigns,” I’ve sought the Lord crying out, “Where are You?” In the past, the Spirit would apparently touch many around me and leave me untouched. I even had a friend joke with me that I was an “oak of righteousness,” meaning I stood like a tree when the Wind came. But though I smiled, this was never funny to me. I left these meetings often in tears, feeling disappointed and rejected. “What is wrong with me, God? Why don’t you touch me?”
Is this you? Have you experienced this as well? Well, in these next few posts, I want to share what I’ve found. I want to tell some of my story, and open up some of the whys which He has revealed to me. My prayer is that we’ll all see more of Him as I’m trusting Him to write these posts.
My dearest brother in Christ Jesus. Bless etch of those who believe without seeing said the Lord. 16 years ago when I came to Christ in a vision he came to me and he laid on me I was lost in the light that was eliminating to him it was the most infants formal of ecstasy that I have ever experienced it as a human being and I remember asking him are you my Lord he smiled He gently disappeared. Scenery quickly changed and it was dark and I was in the middle of the church next thing you know… Read more »
[…] as I stated in “Extracting Love,” I was called an “oak of righteousness” because though the masses were slain in the Spirit, […]
I’d like to join that group also John. How do I go about it?
[…] I ask my question again, readers: “Is this you, too?” Have you ever come face to face with your disappointment in God? […]
John, I want to be on that Facebook group. How do I do it?
“/But at the end of the day, I want God to touch me” Yes! I have been touched by God many times, yet it always seems as if there is a ‘core’ left untouched, and that is my longing, that that place be touched so I might be changed Thank you once again for sharing. I look forward to the rest of the blogs.
Precious John, I pray as I respond realizing that much, if not most, of what I type is “Tammy” and possibly not so much of Him. I long for the time when every thought, word, and deed are totally of Him, but for now this is what I have… Even before that holy Saturday morning, from afar, I have been witness to the Lord’s touch in your life. He has graced my listening ears and my reading eyes with accounts of your life…your walk…your relationship with Him. Once you shared about being left in such a state in your physical… Read more »
Let’s see as He lays this thing out. But I do want to give you a brief peek ahead…I’m not in any way saying I’ve not been touched, quite the contrary. Stay tuned Tammy, I am going somewhere! But please feel free to comment as we walk on this path together, don’t shy away. Who knows you might be sharing the thoughts of the Lord. Thank you for being a witness Tammy! Thank you for seeing His movements and enjoying His life in mine.
Blessings and love!
John
Thanks for sharing Tammy. I know that it is very vulnerable to do so. The Spirit of God is able to sort out for each what is of us and what He wants to say. As we witnessed so powerfully during the conference the necessity of each of us being willing to be vulnerable, to let Him speak, to “know nothing”, to be exposed. This is a very difficult thing to do and learn because it is not safe out here!! But we are not called to protect ourselves but to be made fools for Christ. We can trust the… Read more »
Tina…at the moment I don’t have a Facebook account. It needed some attention that was too time consuming so I opted to just deactivate it. I will be reopening one in a week or two and will send word to John and ask him to connect me to the GetAlongWithGod group. Thank you for your suggestion.
Wonderful Tammy!
Ooooooooh, yeah! The feeling of being “left out” was always terrible! The mind games… But Time has gone by and changed me too. Now I can look back at those experiences only because of the Cross… Thank you Jesus.
“Is this you?”
Worse enough, you can make it up and lie to yourself: “that was God.” So, to your dry land you add up a pile of lies. Then, when time (God) gets you to be a bit more honest to yourself, you enter so easily into another lie: “God not working out in my life, He is doing nothing, He ignores me, this drought is so unbearable.”
So, I am waiting for the Meeting Place of honor (and glory) you will talk about. Expectantly, I will keep quiet (silent) throughout the next posts.