Embracing My Cross


Something I wrote in 2006 has been coming around and back again, and I always assume that it’s on this blog. It’s not. So today I’m finally going to post it. The reason is that we’re discussing and expounding on it in this week’s podcast. I invite you to go over to ShulamitePodcast.com and listen to it. It’s really an amazing episode!

I have to confess, I’ve never been able to find the original file of what I wrote, but in 2010, Martha had it and read an excerpt in her audio series, Conquered by the BloodThat excerpt is what I’m sharing here. In it, I discuss the phenomenon of surrendering to our cross but not dying on it.  I gave an example about how Peter had great commitment in Matthew 26:26-35, where he says to Christ, “Even if I must die with You!” But Peter’s committed love and surrendered spirit to the process didn’t give him the power to perform his pledge.

Love that professes to die for the Lord can’t carry it out by a determination of the flesh. No matter how much we wish it to be so, flesh is completely incapable. Oh, we so hate to be that dependent on God, but when we finally release ourselves into His ample hands, WOW! The miracles we’ll see Him perform before our eyes!

From Conquered by the Blood Disc #1, “Not Shamed”:

This morning I stumbled over something that John wrote in 2006, and it made me wish I had put it in my booklet, Decision. He’s talking about II Timothy 3, where in the last days there’ll be times of difficulty and people will be lovers of self.


He wrote, “I see very clearly that this passage is speaking of those who live the religious life without the exchanged life. Without going to our personal cross with Christ, we have no exchange of life. It’s at the cross where we surrender our life to death, that we make the transaction of exchange. We can’t have that exchange bar going to the cross. We can’t be free from our old Adamic life unless we go to the cross with Christ. The legal transaction is performed only on the cross.


I have attempted to surrender while avoiding death. I thought the surrender was the death. There’s a surrender that effects no immediate change. It’s the surrender that’s made in choice only. A choice? How can you choose to bow but not die? I have!


Peter had made the choice, “Even if I must die with You,” but the cross-life had not yet hit the Peter-life. I’ve believed in submission and surrendered to the Spirit without embracing Christ on the cross. This is impossible!


I can’t have His life without losing mine.


I believed that a bowed will was what the Lord required – a submitted self to the process. Yet I got up after each time I surrendered and lived. How could I do this? Simply. If we believe in our old life and see it as a yielded entity without the actual death that is performed on the cross, we are deceiving ourselves. But if this choice is truly made, it’s heard by God and He’s committed to take us to the next step, which is to embrace the cross and lose our own life.


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8 years ago

The message of the cross and dying is not even presented as a part of the gospel message in America. We only have been presented a message of believing by knowledge. We have the right lingo and a partial truth but are blinded to the gospel that brings true life, love and freedom in exchange for living under our own rule. I pray for a mighty move of the Spirit of God to restore His truth that the lost sheep may return and find life.

8 years ago

Thank you John! I listened to the podcast on the weekend and was one of those wow, wow, moments ( I always have those moments while listening to the Shulumite podcast 🙂 Thank you! You expressed it so well, there is a deathless surrender, and that does not produce Life. I think we can all testify to that experientially. “We can’t be free from our old Adamic life unless we go to the cross with Christ. The legal transaction is performed only on the cross.” The Life we have received as a gift, His Life, is a resurrected Life, which… Read more »

8 years ago
Reply to  Marsela

Meant to type subjective experience, not subjected.

Cindy Pollard
8 years ago

I can’t have His life without loosing mine. Meditating there.

8 years ago

Oh what an amazing revelation, John! This is so, so serious!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this with us… It’s a major reality check. One gets easily into thinking/believing ones got it figured out. (so not true) What a wake up call!

Thank you Jesus for not allowing us to get in the way….

8 years ago

John!!! Inner death is something SO difficult to express, but you explained so well: “I can’t have His life without losing mine.” And then you go on with the explanation. You are travelling unsailed waters. What an adventure. Thank you thank you thank you.

Ricardo Palmira Soto.
8 years ago

Les amamos. Gracias John. Si somos elegidos para Su Reino Él lo hace Todo. Amén.<

8 years ago

Translated: “We love you. Thank you John. If we are chosen for His Kingdom, He does it all. Amen.”

8 years ago

“I can’t have His life without losing mine.” Yes John I am seeing it too: not surrender, not yielding, but death to self. Thank you for this follow-up to the podcast.

“Even so consider yourselves also dead to sin and your relation to it broken, but alive to God [living in unbroken fellowship with Him] in Christ Jesus. (‭Romans‬ ‭6‬:‭11‬ AMP)

Layman Lee
8 years ago

Very good post love you, God Bless
Take up our cross and follow him, first we must give up self by getting into the spirit that is taking up our cross,
Then we must develop the fruits of the spirit before we can follow (John 15:4-5)
The I in you is always there. The abiding in Him is where we fall short.