“Beware of the tendency to ask the way when you know it perfectly well. Take the initiative— stop hesitating— take the first step. . . . If you hesitate when God tells you to do something, you are being careless, spurning the grace in which you stand.”
Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest – Take the Initiative
Sometimes Oswald Chambers’ words hit me like a divine rabbit punch to the left kidney. In the case of this uncompromising quote, Oswald confirmed where I was and what God wanted from me.
Martha recently talked to me about a window of grace that appears when the Cross comes – a time when the unction of the Holy Spirit is on you. And then I read it coming from Oswald, warning me against “spurning the grace in which [I stood].” So I certainly couldn’t claim that that I didn’t know what God was saying to me. He made it abundantly clear.
The Cross came and exposed a BIG stronghold that had to die in me. I mean, huge: the surrender of my mind. And as always, I saw it and had a choice. Martha says:
“Repentance is like a ball game.
God tosses you the ball and says, ‘You are this!’
And if you say, ‘yes, I am,’ you toss the ball back to Him.
But He tosses it back to you again and brings you
a worse accusation – ‘Yes, and you are this!’ If you say, ‘Yes, I am,’
you toss the ball back to Him – and continue the process.
And then! You meet Him in your forgiveness.”
There aren’t any surprises or loopholes in the process of repentance; it’s foundational and straightforward. Every time I repent, I change. (If I don’t change, then it wasn’t repentance – been there, done that, not a good place.) And change can be hard. So I needed grace to see what He was showing me, and I needed grace to bow and embrace the Cross. Basically, I couldn’t afford to miss the window of grace. I did say “yes” to Him and “no” to me, but I needed every ounce of grace to do it.
Knowing this, my Father laid the groundwork with Martha and pushed me with Oswald. The whole thing came to a head with a precious word of correction. He knew that this was a big one, and He prepared the way utterly. I can look back at the last month and see His Hand holding me, propelling me, pressing me . . . steadily exposing my heart. This is the character of God on display in my story: completely faithful and totally vindicated.
I want to share a bit more over the next few days about this particular process of repentance I’m moving through, so check back in with me.