I want to tell you about something I am experiencing. For years I have heard about early rising and quiet times. I have really sought to make myself available to God with my time and start my day with Him. But to be honest with you, I usually left those encounters with a sense of rejection. I was demanding God to reveal Himself to me, and that, coupled with a natural stronghold of rejection, would leave me feeling as if God had rejected me.
So how could this be, a time that was dedicated to Him and set aside for Him? First, God has no obligation to move to prove His love to me just because I am availing myself. He did this in my redemption that cost Him His Son. Oops! Second, if I direct our relationship that makes me god. I can ask and desire, but the movement of God is His to enact. Oops, Oops! Also, I can get convicted about how many times I have been too busy to stop when God has wanted my attention. Oops, oops, oops!
So now that I have God in the place of directing our relationship and not me, here is what I am encountering: He has captured me. He was there all the time, waiting for me to simply let go. All my energy was in grasping, not focusing. Now I am experiencing a tactile focus like never before.
Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus
I let go and release. Then I look. I sit and listen, directing the focus of my whole being. I am looking even if not seeing. I am not straining to see but I am actively looking, fully waiting. Before, I passively looked and all I saw was me, but now I am directing my gaze with a purpose.
I tell you this because I don’t think I am the only one who’s struggled with this. You might not suffer from rejection, but you might be disappointed in your time with God. I have found a key that is working for me, and I’m telling you with the hope that it will help you. I am leaning on God completely to move, but I am actively engaged in the wait. Before, I was like a catcher behind the mound looking aimlessly about. Now I am centered on the incoming ball. I might not see the ball in the Pitcher’s hand but I know it is coming and I am ready.
The fruit of this focus has been deep vision. I am seeing things quite above my ‘pay grade.’ LOL. I am seeing into the Kingdom where Christ is enthroned. He is radically showing me Truth about situations, and this comes on the heels of something He has done within me, to me. I can literally feel this. It is focus. The Spirit has taken my whole being and captured me to concentrate. I am looking into nothing until He fills my view with Himself! I am not demanding; I am in readiness.
And the whole experience is amazing!